Has anyone
ever hurt you? Does your spouse come
to mind when answering this question? It
happens all too often, BIG and small,
right? Learning how to forgive is one
way to deal with these mistakes that occur in marriage, or any relationship.
Let me
first define “forgiveness” so that you can better understand what it is and
what it is not.
FORGIVENESS IS: letting go of past hurt and negative
feelings, changing our attitude concerning a wrong, and wishing the offender
well.
FORGIVENESS IS NOT: approval of the wrong, forgetting the
wrong, allowing the offender to wrong you again.
Have you ever hurt your spouse? I cannot imagine that you feel good about the pain you caused your spouse. In fact I
imagine that you feel sorry for the pain your spouse felt or feels because you hurt them. YOU are human and what you
have done and what you feel now are common in marriage. We all make mistakes, even when we know
better. So, I am asking you to please forgive your spouse and YOURSELF.
If you have ever been in need of
forgiveness, then do not withhold forgiveness.
Instead follow the tweaked golden rule: “Forgive others as you would
have them forgive you”. Your spouse
might not “deserve” forgiveness, but forgive anyway. There is every need for you to release the
negativity and feel love again.
You may want to argue that some
things are unforgivable, which is not the case.
All is forgivable and nothing is unforgivable, regardless of
what the world says. We should never withhold forgiveness and
forgiveness should be automatic, even if this is easier said than done.
Withholding forgiveness will always punish you more than it will ever
punish them. It will only prolong the
pain and hurt. Hating your spouse will
slowly change you into a hateful person.
This is why it is so important to decide now that you will not allow any
more negativity into your life. We can
only control ourselves, so do not give someone else that power over you. Accept what you can control and let go of
what you cannot. You cannot change the
past, but you can change the present and even the future.
Forgive for you. After all it’s not about them, it’s about
YOU. Forgiveness is meant for you! When you forgive someone for something you
can become who you want to be, move on in with your life, not let “it” define
you, and come back to love.
I cannot say that I am the best
example when it comes to forgiving others, but I can honestly say that I want
to be better. I hope that you share this
same desire. The desire to improve ourselves
is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our marriage. One of the greatest gifts we can give to our
spouse is forgiveness.
The journey to forgiveness is often
a difficult one, but getting to that point is worth every second you devote to
it. The growth that comes with
forgiveness is worth the sacrifice and that same growth strengthens a marriage
so that it will last. A lasting marriage
is built on a strong foundation, which includes forgiveness. We must build up that foundation by doing
what is required of us and forgiving our spouse seventy times seven times.
Know that it may not be instantaneous, but
with time and great practice you will find that you feel better and closer to
being the kind of person you have always wanted to be. As long as you have the desire to forgive and
don’t give up, your persistence will reward you.
Activity:
-Please watch at least two of these video clips and then
answer the questions below.
·
story of forgiveness – murder
·
story of forgiveness – death
·
how to: forgive the unforgivable
·
madea on forgiveness
1. Is it easy for you to forgive your spouse? If not, why is it difficult for you?
2. Think about what steps you need to take in order to forgive your spouse. Choose one thing that you need to forgive your spouse for. Write about it. Start working on forgiving them. In one week write about it once more. Reflect on how you feel and any improvements or why nothing has changed just yet.
By Tawnya