Parenthood is an exhausting responsibility, especially for
those with children diagnosed with a disability. Finding time together as a couple can become
one of the most difficult tasks when you are the primary care giver of your
children with a disability.
If this describes you, then please do not accept
defeat. Don’t allow your sole focus to
become your child! Your marriage should
still be your number one priority when it comes to priorities. This does not mean that you will spend a
greater amount of time on your spouse than your children, but it does mean that
you will make sure your spouse feels loved daily.
Of course children require a larger amount of our time than
do spouses, because they are so dependent.
It is completely normal to spend more of your limited time caring for
your children than you would your marriage.
Many children with disabilities often require even more attention than
the average child and this is okay. Give
that child all the attention and care they need, but do so ensuring that you’ve
kissed, hugged, and said “I love you” to your spouse before you part ways
during the hectic day. Often times these
simple and quick reminders of love are just enough to keep a marriage strong.
Also, do not forget to take time as husband and wife to go
out on weekly dates. Date night should
be another priority in your life for the sake of your marriage. If you cannot get out of the house for even a
single night during the week, then make an effort to create a date like
atmosphere at home when after the kids are put to bed. Try ordering in for just you and your spouse
for a late night dinner or pick up a dessert to share in the evening as you
enjoy a little movie night together, just the two of you. You as a couple need this time alone, away
from the children, to reconnect during the week.
Your child’s disability may create some additional stresses
to your daily or weekly life, but do not forget to manage your stress. Remember to take some time for you to
recharge and prepare yourself to take on the challenges that come with being
the parent of a child with a disability.
Feel free to schedule that massage you’ve always wanted, night out with
friends, or whatever else might be relaxing for you. You might even try practicing mindfulness the next
time you start feeling like your reaching your limit or overwhelmed. It doesn’t require a great deal of time or
even your absence, so try living in the present from time to time. What’s happened has happened and why worry
about what hasn’t happened yet. You only
live once, so try to be present for the moments that count. The stress relief benefits of mindfulness are
more than worth your small effort.
The next time you’re feeling stressed you should also
pray. Pray for the strength to continue
and endure. Pray for the renewed desire to
serve your child. All you may need is a
little help from above, so don’t forget to ask.
God will never give you more than you can handle, so lean on him when
you’re feeling like you have nothing left to give. He will bless you for your faith, if you continually
do your part.
Don’t forget to pray with your spouse. The benefits of praying as couple can be
amazing, if you make it a constant in your life. You should be able to depend on one another,
as husband and wife, but always remember that you can depend on divinity.
Ask for help when you need it. I think many of us would be amazed at how
willing our friends, family, and neighbors are to help us. People often don’t know what others need from
them, so bring your needs to their awareness and make requests as needed. Remember that you can count on your spouse to
be there when you need them, so ask if you need their help or a break.
Lastly, thank your spouse when they step in and lend a
hand. Your recognition and gratitude may
be a great reminder of how important it is and encourage them to repeat the
action. They are there to help you and
you are there to help them, so remember to celebrate this blessing of marriage.
Doing these things can positively affect your marriage and
family, so I encourage you to appropriately prioritize your own list. You can be a great parent and still be a
great spouse. It is all determined by
where your priorities lie. Find joy in meeting
both your spouses and child’s needs. Remember
you can do this!
Please watch the following videos and then complete the
activity below:
Activity:
1. Write down one way one thing you plan to do for yourself
(to recharge mentally) this week, and then make it happen. Share what you’ve written with your spouse
and help make each other’s “me time” happen during the week.
2. Plan out your next date with your spouse. Decide on the activity and/or restaurant
together, and then write down the day and time you plan to go out. Make any necessary arrangements in advance,
so that it happens.
By Tawnya