People often get married so
that they can start having children. It
sounds like the perfect plan. Providing
a stable relationship for a future child helps provides a safe and healthy
environment every child deserves.
Though, things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes we can want something, but not get
it or at least not get it how or when we expected it. Infertility often falls under this common
reality for couples who want children, but cannot conceive.
Infertility
is becoming increasingly more common among married couples. Especially, since more and more people are
putting off marriage and delaying having children. How do couples cope with an emotional roller
coaster ride like infertility?
It can be
difficult to deal with the uncertainty of getting pregnant. It is important to be realistic in your
expectations. If you expect things to
work out the first time or even the first months of trying, then you may be
setting yourself up for disappointment.
At the same time if you don’t remain hopeful then you may stop trying or
even allow it to weaken your marriage.
Yet couples continually endure this trial without letting it destroy
their life or their marriage. So what
are these couples doing right?
Most importantly don’t blame
yourself or your spouse for the fertility problem. Avoid thinking negatively of your spouse and
yourself. Accept that it isn't yours or
their fault and focus on ways to improve your chances of conceiving.
Seek support. I consider having a support system a necessity
for life in general. You never know what
life has in store for you. With life
come trials, in all shapes and sizes, and all too often we find out that we are
never prepared enough for them. These
are times when family and friends come in handy to help us get through
them. You could also seek out online
communities, which offer infertility support groups. And most importantly rely on your spouse and
seek their comfort as needed. Don’t let
this personal struggle push you further from the one person you are meant to
cling to.
Share your burden with your spouse
and maybe even someone else you can talk to.
It may feel like it’s your burden to bear alone, but this feeling would
be a lie. Avoiding telling others,
especially your spouse, about what you are experiencing is a recipe for
disaster. Rather than turn you toward
one another, keeping your real feelings and thoughts hidden from your spouse
will slowly push you further apart. So don’t
hide your struggles. I’m not saying to
go tell the whole world, but you shouldn’t feel that it needs to be kept a
secret. You should feel free to talk
about the issue with family and friends who you are comfortable discussing this
issue with. It isn’t until you open up
to others that you discover they’ve had similar experiences. With infertility issue becoming more common
you may find out that your friend had complications conceiving their little one
too.
Determine how much you are willing
to spend trying to conceive or if you are willing to adopt. Also, agree on what you are willing to go
through in order to get pregnant.
Setting limits can prevent you from regretting the cost or suffering you
endured from fertility treatments.
Get rid of frustrations. Infertility comes with many disappointments
and may even make some individuals and couples angry at times. Don’t let these feelings discourage you from
moving forward in life or thinking of alternatives options for your particular
situation. You can combat these
reoccurring or constant frustrations with massage, exercise, yoga, or a
hobby. Managing frustrations will
prevent them from turning into stress, which is the last thing you need. Stress will only work against you when it
comes to fertility, so start a habit of relieving stress. Ultimately, don’t forget to take care of
yourself.
Educate yourself on the issue. The more you know about infertility and the
options for those who suffer from infertility issues the better off you’ll
be. There is hope out there, as well as
help. Seek out this information, so that
you can take advantage of the current and most up to date options that
exist.
Involve God in your struggle. It is faith in God that enables individuals
and couples to face adversity with a willingness to learn from the experience. Faith can be a powerful thing when you’re
struggling. It can take us from a place
of weakness to a place of strength. It
may be difficult to continue hoping and praying for a miracle, but it is
important to remember God’s timing. We
need to trust in His timing and ask for the strength to endure the trial when
we feel abandoned. Remember that you are
never alone.
By Tawnya