Taking care of the clinical side of
things isn’t the entire solution to many infertile couples’s problems. There are often emotional issues that arise
from trying to conceive aside from the expected medical procedures. Infertile couples receiving fertility
treatments should seek emotional support as needed.
Sexual intimacy is an important part
of strong marriages. It can be difficult
to enjoy the physical intimacies of marriage, when couples are solely focusing
on conceiving a child. Sex is meant for
more than just bringing life into this world; it is also meant to bond couples
and bring them closer to one. This is
why it is so important for infertile couples to continue to view physical
intimacy as a way to grow closer during this difficult time.
Don’t let physical intimacy become
a source of contention as you deal with and treat infertility. You will be better able to protect your
marriage from these negative feelings as you both:
Communicate your thoughts with your
spouse. If you’re feeling distant from
your spouse, then share this with them.
Don’t allow secrets to interfere with your marriage and instead speak
your fears and concerns to your spouse. How
can things get fixed, if they both of you are not aware of the problem? Don’t allow what is bothering you to go
unsaid. Issues seem to fester when we don’t address them, so open up to your
spouse. You may fear that they don’t
want to hear it or will judge you, but try it and you will find a supportive
spouse. Your spouse is there to support
you, so be strong enough to lean on them when it gets difficult.
Keep the date night alive. Remember
to place the focus back on your marriage as you work toward expanding your
family. A baby becomes another added
stress when married couples don’t care for their relationship first. So give your future child the chance to
thrive with your marriage as the strong foundation. Continued care to this part of your marriage
will likely encourage physical intimacy.
Don’t let your issues define who
you are and remember to spend some time on yourself. Infertility isn’t the end and life goes on
for married couples experiencing this medical issue. Instead identify with your character and
qualities rather than your medical condition.
Remember that you are what attracted your spouse in the first place, so
don’t lose sight of this. Being you will
keep the attraction alive and again encourage physical intimacy.
Be thankful. If your current circumstances include having
a child already, good job, food on the table, or a roof over your head, then
don’t forget to practice gratitude.
Don’t allow yourself to forget about the important people in your
life. Your spouse is important to you
right? So give them 100%. Based on the law of reciprocity they will
likely return your effort by giving the relationship 100% as well. Always find
the positives and good in your life; there is so much peace to be offered in
doing this.
Make time for the bedroom. Don’t allow yourselves to forget about the
importance of physical intimacy for your marriage. Life can get busy and might allow us to make
excuses for why we haven’t had sex for the past two weeks, but don’t believe
them. Choose a time during the week that
works for both of you and allow that time to bring you closer.
Accept that you might not conceive
after having sex, but this doesn’t mean that you can afford to avoid having sex
from now on. The purpose of sex reaches
beyond creating life. Infertility
treatments can be rough on individuals and married couples, especially when
they are not working according to plan.
You might become frustrated with sex as you continue to be unsuccessful
in getting pregnant. This is the time to
remember that sex is important to your marriage, regardless of its ability to
create life.
Focus on pleasure. Sex doesn’t need to become mechanical when
your goal is to bring pleasure to your spouse and yourself. Give yourself permission to focus on your
spouse and not getting pregnant every once in a while. It may be important to follow certain
guidelines when trying to conceive, but it doesn’t need to become an “always”
rule.
Focus on your spouse. Remember how great sex used to make your
spouse and you feel. Make your next move
in the bedroom one that places the focus on pleasing your spouse. Turning sex into a selfless act can increase
your own satisfaction, as well as your love for them. Isn’t that what this physical act of love is all
about? Each spouse takes care of
fulfilling the needs of their spouse, so that in the end they both get their
needs met. Focusing on making a baby is
nice and all, but redirecting your energy toward sexual intimacy for pleasing
your spouse still allows you to conceive.
Remember that people conceive all the time when they are focusing on
their spouse.
If you and
your spouse still feel overwhelmed or need a little more help, then seek professional
help. You could try counseling to see if
it helps you resolve your physical intimacy issues.
-Activity:
1. Think about how you currently view sex. Share this view with your spouse.
2. Plan your next romantic evening/date night with your
spouse. Set a time and day this week or
next to make it happen.
By Tawnya