My mother told me shortly after my wedding day to
continue to dress up and get myself ready for my husband. I think on that particular day I wasn’t
wearing any make up and hadn’t done anything with my hair. I wasn’t offended by her comment, because
that’s just how she’s always been. I
reassured her, I still wore makeup and did my hair, just not every
day. It seemed to be enough for her to
back off.
Though, lately I’ve reflected back to what my mother
said to conduct a self-check. I asked
myself if I was still dressing up for my husband on occasion and realized that
I had cut down a bit from when we were first married. I wondered if I had let myself become lazy,
since I hadn’t even put on a full face of makeup the week prior. I felt like I had slacked a little bit in
this department and so of course the very next morning I applied my makeup and
curled my hair before I left the house.
Why had I stopped trying so hard? I made sure to always ‘put my face on’ and/or
curl my hair for my husband when we were dating, but now there were more days
that I hadn’t really tried than there were that I had tried. I realized that I should be trying harder to
keep him interested in me. I mean I
expect the same from him and so he shouldn’t get any less from me.
Of course I’ve made the effort to maintain my
weight, but I would have done that with or without him. For me watching my weight hasn’t been the
issue, but taking the time to apply makeup and do my hair has been. Though, I know that weight is an issue for
many individuals and affecting their spouse’s attraction to them.
I realize that we should love our spouse
unconditionally, but this intentional love doesn’t cover attraction. Attraction is separate from love and should
be intentional on both parts. Each
spouse should do their part to continue to attract their spouse. Without effort attraction for some couples
may slowly fade away. No one wants that,
right?
Keeping our spouse attracted to us should be one our
main priorities in life. By making an
effort to make ourselves look presentable we are strengthening our
marriage. Don’t lose sight of what is
important to your spouse, because it could mean losing your spouse in the long
run.
Recently I heard a marriage therapist retell one of
her client’s stories. She said that the
husband asked his wife for a divorce.
The wife was shocked by his confession and requested that they seek
counseling first and he agreed. In
counseling after some encouragement he revealed that his reason for divorce was
that his wife had gained weight. He said
that he was no longer attracted to her, but that he still loved her. The wife was relieved to hear this and agreed
to lose the weight for her marriage.
Now this is an extreme example, but if we lose track
of what our spouse finds attractive about us then we run the risk of losing our
spouse to someone else. There are
definitely some things wrong with this example.
The husband should have told his wife about his problem with her
weight. Fear of hurting a loved one
should never stop us from keeping communication open in our marriage. So another lesson learned: tell your spouse
you’re unhappy or no longer satisfied with how they’ve changed, physically or
not. They’re better off knowing and
having the option to do something about it and so is your marriage.
Of course there still exist issues with a spouse
that are unfair and uncontrollable, but let’s hope that the no longer attracted
spouse recognizes they’re being outrageous and works on letting the unjust
issue go. I won’t specify what is
unjust, but I’ll leave it up to you and your spouse’s discretion. What you may find to be a ridiculous desired
change in a spouse could be completely different from what I would find
ridiculous.
I think that for each spouse keeping the attraction
alive in marriage is different. We each
have our own unique thing(s) we struggle with. It is our choice to bring issues out in the
open and work toward improving our marriage.
How do you keep your spouse interested?