The number one rule is: Always do something to
please your spouse; never do something to avoid your spouse’s wrath. There’s a reason behind everything that we
do. There’s a thought to every behavior
or action. We should make sure that our
priority remains trying to please our spouse and not because we want to avoid
upsetting our spouse.
Some might say that it doesn’t matter why you do
something; it matters more that you did it.
I disagree and I will tell you why.
Growing up did you ever get into fights with your
siblings or friends? Suppose that you
got in a fight with your with a kid from the neighborhood. Your mom catches you and stops the
fight. She then tells you both that you
need to apologize to one another. You
are sorry for hitting him, so you force out the words, “I’m sorry.” The other kid on the other hand isn’t sorry
for starting the fight and quickly says, “I’m sorry”, so he can go home. Do you feel like he’s sorry?
I don’t feel like this kid is sorry and so to me his
insincere ‘sorry’ is useless and void; he might as well just said the truth,
“I’m not sorry.” The reason I have such
an issue with this is because the kid didn’t say it for the right reasons.
This is similar to the situation of a husband taking
out the trash because he doesn’t want to hear his wife complain about how lazy
he is; he took out the trash to avoid his wife’s criticism. Why is this an issue? He did a good thing, right?
Yes, taking out the trash is a good thing, but the
reason behind his action is where the problem lies. Resentments can build up if we do ‘good
things’ to avoid negative consequences.
This is destructive to marriages and therefore should be avoided.
How can this husband change? The husband in the future should change his
thinking and intentions. He should
think, “Hey, my wife likes it when I take out the trash. I think I will take out the trash to make her
happy.” This way his thought is to
please and not to avoid a negative situation.
You will be building up your marriage as you continue to keep this
positive attitude regarding what you do for your spouse.
Now ask yourself, “Do I want to build up my marriage
or tear it down?” Your answer will
influence the way you handle your future thoughts regarding your future
actions.
Watch the video below and then do the activity after:
(Pay attention to his actions and words; the ending
isn’t necessarily important)
(Vince Vaughn’s character demonstrates what NOT to
do)
-Activity: