Life is busy
enough without throwing dependent children into the mix. Weekly date night can be difficult for married
couples in general, but the task can prove even more difficult when you have
children. Though, it should be one of
your highest priorities to spend some alone time with your spouse. Now date night doesn’t have to be something
extravagant every week, but it also shouldn’t remain a last minute thing where
you end up doing dinner and a movie week after week.
Remember that weekly
date night is encouraged, though don’t punish yourselves if you miss a week
every once and a while. It’s also okay
to spend a night in every once in a while; maybe the babysitter canceled and so
once the kids are in bed you have a movie night date with your spouse. Date night doesn’t necessarily mean that
dates need to occur at night, because you control when they happen. If you choose to go on a morning hike and go
out for breakfast with your spouse, then that counts as your weekly date.
The main goal is to spend time away from the kids and
quality time together, as husband and wife. The second goal is to do novel things with one
another. This means don’t do the same
thing each week, because that can get boring; you should deviate from the
normal or usual often. So go out and do sometime more active or
interactive together, such as hiking, volunteering at a local shelter, seeing a
comedy show, or attending a concert.
Novel date activities and dinners are
important. According to an online book
called The Date
night Opportunity,
“… research suggests that couples who engage in novel activities that are fun,
active, or otherwise arousing—from hiking to dancing to travel to card
games—enjoy higher levels of relationship quality” (Dew & Wilcox 2012). When couples enter a routine life together a
spontaneous date and new or innovative date activity can chuck the
predictability of their relationships out of the window. Seeing your spouse have fun, smile, and laugh
may just be what it takes to bring that spark back to your marriage.
Take turns eating
and doing what your spouse wants. Dates
shouldn’t be his or her sole responsibility, but should become both your
responsibility. Going out on a date
every week is a lot of responsibility, especially for one person. It can be overwhelming to feel the pressure
of making sure that your spouse is having fun, because you’re the only one in
charge of planning. Share the
responsibility of planning a weekly date with your spouse. After all you should both have a say in what
you do and experience what your spouse enjoys.
Are you still
not convinced about the importance of continuing to date your spouse after
marriage? Then listen up!
The Date night Opportunity has
provided the answer as to why, “… the experience of becoming a parent can
undercut or diminish the quality of married life”.
Though, it is normal for couples to spend less time together
after having children, what if
these additional demands of your time as a parent didn’t have to affect your
marital satisfaction? The Date night Opportunity has found, “… that new parents who
did not reduce their couple time together after the arrival of a baby were
markedly less likely to experience a decline in marital quality”. This
is also why it is so important for married couples, especially those with
children, to make weekly date night a priority.
Avoiding doing so will likely slowly over time harm your marriage. Don’t allow couple time or dating after marriage and children to become a thing
of the past.
Remember that the time you spend with
your spouse will spill into your relationships with your children. Your children will be blessed as you make and
take the time to go on weekly dates. Too
many parents believe that the more time they spend on their children the better
off they will be. This isn’t so, if
parents are not making their marriage a priority. Weekly dates with your spouse is one of the
best ways to make your marriage a priority, so an even better incentive to
continue to date your spouse.
Parenthood isn’t easy and neither is
marriage, but both are manageable if couples continually bring the focus back
to their relationship. Life may be full of distractions, but
it’s up to you to prioritize your spouse.
Don’t let the busyness of parenthood stop you from keeping date night
alive in your marriage!
*For more information about The Date night Opportunity check out: http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf
Please watch the following
video clip and then complete the activity below with your spouse:
Activity-
1. List your
current priorities in life in order of importance to least importance. Go over your list with your spouse. Then discuss and make any changes, if needed.
2. Write down
your dream date with your spouse, and then share what you wrote with your
spouse.
3. Together
plan your next date for this week. If
you need help then try cheap date ideas.
By Tawnya
By Tawnya