Have you ever had a conversation with your spouse where
you were completely absorbed in what you had to say, but not in what your
spouse was saying? I have to admit I’ve
been guilty of this and after remembering the conversation. I would realize that I was so focused on what
I wanted to say next that I didn’t even bother to “listen” to my husband. Maybe you can relate?
Like a typical Bad Listener you may hear your spouse speaking,
but may not be “listening” to what they are actually saying. I’m sure we all understand that this is NOT
how we should have conversations with our spouse. If bad listening is an unhealthy habit
what healthy habit should we be using within our marriage?
One healthy habit, Active Listening. Instead of merely hearing, actively seek to understand what your spouse is saying. Focus your full attention on them
and what they are saying; do not be thinking of what you will say next or why
they are wrong while they are still speaking.
You can save time and solve more problems by ensuring that your spouse
feels understood than by trying to get in as many words as possible or cutting
them off.
Which path will you take as you work toward strengthen
your marriage, the path to better communication or the path that ruins any
chance of real communication? Will you
continue to be a “Sheldon” or a “Raymond”?
*My challenge
to YOU this week is to practice Active Listening in your
conversations with your spouse? What
have you got to lose but a bad habit; you can gain a new skill, if you put what
you’ve learned into practice. (Remember:
practice makes perfect, so don’t give up.)
If you’re
looking for more of a challenge, then do the activity below WITH your spouse.
Activity:
1. Discuss
what you now realize you can work on to improve your listening with your
spouse.
2. Have your
spouse identify a time when you were guilty of bad listening and a time when
you used active listening.
3. Have a
“practice” conversation with your spouse where you each practice active
listening. (If you need help with this one, maybe discuss how you both feel
about hand washing dishes vs. dishwashers.)
I’ve also included the links to the three video clips
below for those of you who might have missed the hyperlinks above. Enjoy!
Example of bad listening
Active listening learned
Active listening in action