Statistics show
that half of all marriages will end in divorce, but you and I are more than a
number. These figures do not predict the
length or satisfaction of your marriage in any way. I think it’s important to remember this when
it comes to viewing our marriage. Better
yet, ignore the statistics if they are negatively affecting your marriage. I suppose a little worrying about not
becoming one of the couples who divorce can be healthy, but we should not allow
this disappointing statistic to shadow our own marriage.
I respect
marriage and regard it highly. I do not
take my marriage lightly, nor do I view divorce lightly. I chose my husband based on our shared values
and this reassured me of our lifelong commitment to one another through the ups
and downs. I’m aware of the fact that
marriage is hard work and I fully intend on giving my marriage my all; it is my
priority above all else. I also don’t
accept divorce as a solution for my marital challenges; I believe that divorce
should be avoided, if at all possible.
Don’t get me
wrong, I understand that divorce serves a purpose. I believe that divorce should be available to
individuals in dangerous and toxic marriages.
Staying in an unhealthy marriage for the sake of the kids is never the
right reason, but this doesn’t mean that couples in unhealthy marriages can’t
work out their issues. There are married
couples who bail on their marriage too soon and it’s difficult to believe that the
majority of divorces are justified. Especially
since our government has made it so easy for couples to divorce. I feel divorce has become all too common in
our society. It’s becoming increasingly
popular for couples to call it quits and broken homes are becoming the norm for
many families. What’s even more
saddening is that many divorces are later regretted by individuals and that
these dissolved unions might have been restored. Dr. William H.
Doherty found,“… that a significant number of divorced individuals—maybe
about half—report to researchers that they wished they or their ex-spouse had
tried harder to work through their differences.” This supports the idea that HOPE applied to
marriage can keep it alive and strengthen it over time.
Unhappy married
individuals don’t have to settle for an unhappy marriage, nor do they need to
resort to divorce. There is HOPE for
these struggling married couples!
If you’re feeling
like you’re headed for the door, then seek help. Help is out there and readily available. Don’t wait until you feel ready, instead act
now. You may never feel ready, especially
if you’ve got a negative attitude or are waiting on your spouse. Take the initiative and start today!
If you’ve fallen out of love:
Falling out of
love doesn’t happen over night; it’s something that happens over time, so don’t
wait until problems show up and work on your marriage daily. Take some time to remember what made you fall
for your spouse in the beginning and do the things that might recreate the
attraction. Go out on a date weekly to
reconnect with your spouse. Laugh
together, smile at one another, hold hands, and kiss to get back to that loving
feeling. The lack of desire to do these
things is not an excuse to avoid trying these repair attempts, so act now and
think later.
If you’ve lost hope:
Believing your
marriage is a lost cause is never helpful.
Remember that marriage unites
two imperfect individuals, who invite the “bad” into the marriage. Marriage is
about accepting the “good” with this perceived “bad”. It is a commitment for life. If you’re still living, then begin
recommitting yourself to your spouse.
Might I remind
you that you once promised to stick it out, “… for better or for worse, for
richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.” When you’re feeling like right now is your future marriage is the time to rethink this low
point in your marriage as temporary.
This will help you realize that your marriage is not lost!
One of my
favorite songs is called Restore. It is a song about restoring struggling
marriages and I believe it is the perfect message for couples everywhere, even
though it targets Christian couples. I
think we all could use a little divine intervention in our lives. This is especially true when it comes to our
marriage. Do not forget the power of
prayer when it comes to softening your spouse’s heart or gaining strength. Pray for your spouse as well as your
marriage.
Marriage is
meant to last and though you may be experiencing the “bad” at the moment,
remember that the “good” is still ahead.
When it gets bad enough that divorce seems like the only option, have a
little HOPE. Have HOPE that you and your
spouse will get through the “bad” together and continue fighting for your
marriage.
You can have a
better marriage, but it will take change on your part as well your spouse’s. It will require a lot of teamwork and
sacrifice, but the payoff will positively affect your marriage. Have HOPE that things will get better!
*Please watch
the following video clip and then complete the activity below with your spouse.
Fireproof clip (the back story is their marriage is on the rocks; the
husband shows his wife there is HOPE)
Activity:
1. Write down
how you can recommit yourself to your spouse and your marriage. Share this with your spouse.
2. Write about
a time when things were “bad” in your marriage that turned “good”. What was the process? (timeline the events
leading up to the “bad” and “good”)
By Tawnya