Monday, January 5, 2015

Infertility: Physical Intimacy Issues

Taking care of the clinical side of things isn’t the entire solution to many infertile couples’s problems.  There are often emotional issues that arise from trying to conceive aside from the expected medical procedures.  Infertile couples receiving fertility treatments should seek emotional support as needed.

Sexual intimacy is an important part of strong marriages.  It can be difficult to enjoy the physical intimacies of marriage, when couples are solely focusing on conceiving a child.  Sex is meant for more than just bringing life into this world; it is also meant to bond couples and bring them closer to one.  This is why it is so important for infertile couples to continue to view physical intimacy as a way to grow closer during this difficult time.

Don’t let physical intimacy become a source of contention as you deal with and treat infertility.  You will be better able to protect your marriage from these negative feelings as you both:
Communicate your thoughts with your spouse.  If you’re feeling distant from your spouse, then share this with them.  Don’t allow secrets to interfere with your marriage and instead speak your fears and concerns to your spouse.  How can things get fixed, if they both of you are not aware of the problem?  Don’t allow what is bothering you to go unsaid. Issues seem to fester when we don’t address them, so open up to your spouse.  You may fear that they don’t want to hear it or will judge you, but try it and you will find a supportive spouse.  Your spouse is there to support you, so be strong enough to lean on them when it gets difficult.

Keep the date night alive. Remember to place the focus back on your marriage as you work toward expanding your family.  A baby becomes another added stress when married couples don’t care for their relationship first.  So give your future child the chance to thrive with your marriage as the strong foundation.  Continued care to this part of your marriage will likely encourage physical intimacy.

Don’t let your issues define who you are and remember to spend some time on yourself.  Infertility isn’t the end and life goes on for married couples experiencing this medical issue.  Instead identify with your character and qualities rather than your medical condition.  Remember that you are what attracted your spouse in the first place, so don’t lose sight of this.  Being you will keep the attraction alive and again encourage physical intimacy.

Be thankful.  If your current circumstances include having a child already, good job, food on the table, or a roof over your head, then don’t forget to practice gratitude.  Don’t allow yourself to forget about the important people in your life.  Your spouse is important to you right?  So give them 100%.  Based on the law of reciprocity they will likely return your effort by giving the relationship 100% as well. Always find the positives and good in your life; there is so much peace to be offered in doing this.

Make time for the bedroom.  Don’t allow yourselves to forget about the importance of physical intimacy for your marriage.  Life can get busy and might allow us to make excuses for why we haven’t had sex for the past two weeks, but don’t believe them.  Choose a time during the week that works for both of you and allow that time to bring you closer. 

Accept that you might not conceive after having sex, but this doesn’t mean that you can afford to avoid having sex from now on.  The purpose of sex reaches beyond creating life.  Infertility treatments can be rough on individuals and married couples, especially when they are not working according to plan.  You might become frustrated with sex as you continue to be unsuccessful in getting pregnant.  This is the time to remember that sex is important to your marriage, regardless of its ability to create life. 

Focus on pleasure.  Sex doesn’t need to become mechanical when your goal is to bring pleasure to your spouse and yourself.  Give yourself permission to focus on your spouse and not getting pregnant every once in a while.  It may be important to follow certain guidelines when trying to conceive, but it doesn’t need to become an “always” rule.

Focus on your spouse.  Remember how great sex used to make your spouse and you feel.  Make your next move in the bedroom one that places the focus on pleasing your spouse.  Turning sex into a selfless act can increase your own satisfaction, as well as your love for them.  Isn’t that what this physical act of love is all about?  Each spouse takes care of fulfilling the needs of their spouse, so that in the end they both get their needs met.  Focusing on making a baby is nice and all, but redirecting your energy toward sexual intimacy for pleasing your spouse still allows you to conceive.  Remember that people conceive all the time when they are focusing on their spouse.

            If you and your spouse still feel overwhelmed or need a little more help, then seek professional help.  You could try counseling to see if it helps you resolve your physical intimacy issues.


1. Think about how you currently view sex.  Share this view with your spouse.

2. Plan your next romantic evening/date night with your spouse.  Set a time and day this week or next to make it happen.

By Tawnya