Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Coping with Infertility

People often get married so that they can start having children.  It sounds like the perfect plan.  Providing a stable relationship for a future child helps provides a safe and healthy environment every child deserves.  Though, things don’t always go according to plan.  Sometimes we can want something, but not get it or at least not get it how or when we expected it.  Infertility often falls under this common reality for couples who want children, but cannot conceive. 

            Infertility is becoming increasingly more common among married couples.  Especially, since more and more people are putting off marriage and delaying having children.  How do couples cope with an emotional roller coaster ride like infertility?

            It can be difficult to deal with the uncertainty of getting pregnant.  It is important to be realistic in your expectations.  If you expect things to work out the first time or even the first months of trying, then you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.  At the same time if you don’t remain hopeful then you may stop trying or even allow it to weaken your marriage.  Yet couples continually endure this trial without letting it destroy their life or their marriage.  So what are these couples doing right?

Most importantly don’t blame yourself or your spouse for the fertility problem.  Avoid thinking negatively of your spouse and yourself.  Accept that it isn't yours or their fault and focus on ways to improve your chances of conceiving.

Seek support.  I consider having a support system a necessity for life in general.  You never know what life has in store for you.  With life come trials, in all shapes and sizes, and all too often we find out that we are never prepared enough for them.  These are times when family and friends come in handy to help us get through them.  You could also seek out online communities, which offer infertility support groups.  And most importantly rely on your spouse and seek their comfort as needed.  Don’t let this personal struggle push you further from the one person you are meant to cling to.

Share your burden with your spouse and maybe even someone else you can talk to.  It may feel like it’s your burden to bear alone, but this feeling would be a lie.   Avoiding telling others, especially your spouse, about what you are experiencing is a recipe for disaster.  Rather than turn you toward one another, keeping your real feelings and thoughts hidden from your spouse will slowly push you further apart.  So don’t hide your struggles.  I’m not saying to go tell the whole world, but you shouldn’t feel that it needs to be kept a secret.  You should feel free to talk about the issue with family and friends who you are comfortable discussing this issue with.  It isn’t until you open up to others that you discover they’ve had similar experiences.  With infertility issue becoming more common you may find out that your friend had complications conceiving their little one too.

Determine how much you are willing to spend trying to conceive or if you are willing to adopt.  Also, agree on what you are willing to go through in order to get pregnant.  Setting limits can prevent you from regretting the cost or suffering you endured from fertility treatments.

Get rid of frustrations.  Infertility comes with many disappointments and may even make some individuals and couples angry at times.  Don’t let these feelings discourage you from moving forward in life or thinking of alternatives options for your particular situation.   You can combat these reoccurring or constant frustrations with massage, exercise, yoga, or a hobby.  Managing frustrations will prevent them from turning into stress, which is the last thing you need.  Stress will only work against you when it comes to fertility, so start a habit of relieving stress.  Ultimately, don’t forget to take care of yourself.

Educate yourself on the issue.  The more you know about infertility and the options for those who suffer from infertility issues the better off you’ll be.  There is hope out there, as well as help.  Seek out this information, so that you can take advantage of the current and most up to date options that exist. 

Involve God in your struggle.  It is faith in God that enables individuals and couples to face adversity with a willingness to learn from the experience.  Faith can be a powerful thing when you’re struggling.  It can take us from a place of weakness to a place of strength.  It may be difficult to continue hoping and praying for a miracle, but it is important to remember God’s timing.  We need to trust in His timing and ask for the strength to endure the trial when we feel abandoned.  Remember that you are never alone.
                       

By Tawnya