tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10574307837386104122024-03-13T21:05:50.667-07:00The National Healthy Marriage InstituteHealthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-28437988017424067082015-01-05T09:50:00.001-08:002015-01-05T09:50:10.336-08:00Marriage: A Top Priority<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Is your marriage important to you? How are you making your marriage a top priority?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all have lives and responsibilities outside of marriage,
so we need to find a balance and prioritize these other commitments to avoid
getting too busy to make time for our marriage.
I know for me I’ve got school to worry about and my husband has his job,
both of which require huge amounts of our time.
Maybe for you it’s the kids, the house, your career, PTA meetings,
Church callings, or an elderly parent?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Marriage isn’t easy. Though,
it’s easy to say that our marriage is important to us and then skip out on date
night to put in some extra hours at work or clean the dirty house. When we value our marriage, but then let
ourselves put our spouse on the back burner as we take care of our daily
responsibilities isn’t showing that value.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We take care of things we want
to last; marriage is no exception. Don’t
neglect your role as a spouse, instead fulfills it by making simple and small
investments in your marriage by: saying “I love you”, kissing & hugging,
and making your spouse feel cherished daily.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Marriage is a lot of work.
If you are not consciously refocusing on your marriage, then things can
get in the way and become distractions. Your
thoughts actions must be intentional if you wish to strengthen your marriage. Otherwise if you forget about making an
effort your marriage will slowly decay, because important things untended to
will eventually come back to bite you.
Think of your marriage as a living thing; like a plant you must nurture
and feed it so that it might grow and bring about blessings. When you continue to date your spouse after
marriage, you increase your chances to maintain those loving feelings that caused
you to get married in the first place.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Continuing to date your spouse is a must, assuming you want
a lasting marriage. I think so many
people buy into the lie of marrying someone means they should know you love
them for life. This isn’t true and we
need to continually reinforce and reassure our spouse that we are there for
them no matter what and still love them after all the time that has passed. Scheduling time for your weekly date night,
even if you stay in, is extremely beneficial for your relationship as husband and
wife.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think another lie people buy into is putting the children
first. I recently learned about the <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=the+divine+triangle+of+marriage&espv=2&biw=1366&bih=667&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=lC56VJvoDcbTiQK_uIGAAQ&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAg#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=RZlE-9iYGoPCeM%253A%3BtOM3OexAP_JRaM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fhighsteppinginheave">divine
triangle of marriage</a> and love this system of including God in
marriage. With the divine triangle of
marriage our relationship with God is at the top and then comes our
relationship with our spouse. Of course
our relationship(s) with our children come second to our relationship with our
spouse; this is contrary to what many parents believe. The truth is that children benefit when
parents put their marriage first. The
reason being your marriage is the foundation for your family. You want to be a healthy example of a
marriage for your children, not one that argues in front of them all the
time. Your strong relationship as
husband and wife will spill into your relationship(s) with your children. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember you can be a great spouse and be a
great parent too! It just takes some
prioritizing, so make sure you don’t put your spouse last!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Make your marriage a priority today so you can enjoy the
joys of marriage tomorrow.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Watch both video clips below and then complete the activity
below:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy_D78LeMQ4">For
wives</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfbOfskLvjQ">For
husbands</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Activity:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Discuss how you can make your marriage a priority with
your spouse?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Schedule date night for this or the next week, along with
plan an activity for that evening.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-60883611598149866852015-01-05T09:48:00.000-08:002015-10-28T16:30:06.660-07:00Keeping the Attraction Alive in Marriage<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">My mother told me shortly after my wedding day to
continue to dress up and get myself ready for my husband.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I think on that particular day I wasn’t
wearing any make up and hadn’t done anything with my hair.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I wasn’t offended by her comment, because
that’s just how she’s always been.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I
reassured her, I still wore makeup and did my hair, just not every
day.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">It seemed to be enough for her to
back off.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Though, lately I’ve reflected back to what my mother
said to conduct a self-check. I asked
myself if I was still dressing up for my husband on occasion and realized that
I had cut down a bit from when we were first married. I wondered if I had let myself become lazy,
since I hadn’t even put on a full face of makeup the week prior. I felt like I had slacked a little bit in
this department and so of course the very next morning I applied my makeup and
curled my hair before I left the house. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Why had I stopped trying so hard? I made sure to always ‘put my face on’ and/or
curl my hair for my husband when we were dating, but now there were more days
that I hadn’t really tried than there were that I had tried. I realized that I should be trying harder to
keep him interested in me. I mean I
expect the same from him and so he shouldn’t get any less from me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Of course I’ve made the effort to maintain my
weight, but I would have done that with or without him. For me watching my weight hasn’t been the
issue, but taking the time to apply makeup and do my hair has been. Though, I know that weight is an issue for
many individuals and affecting their spouse’s attraction to them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I realize that we should love our spouse
unconditionally, but this intentional love doesn’t cover attraction. Attraction is separate from love and should
be intentional on both parts. Each
spouse should do their part to continue to attract their spouse. Without effort attraction for some couples
may slowly fade away. No one wants that,
right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Keeping our spouse attracted to us should be one our
main priorities in life. By making an
effort to make ourselves look presentable we are strengthening our
marriage. Don’t lose sight of what is
important to your spouse, because it could mean losing your spouse in the long
run.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Recently I heard a marriage therapist retell one of
her client’s stories. She said that the
husband asked his wife for a divorce.
The wife was shocked by his confession and requested that they seek
counseling first and he agreed. In
counseling after some encouragement he revealed that his reason for divorce was
that his wife had gained weight. He said
that he was no longer attracted to her, but that he still loved her. The wife was relieved to hear this and agreed
to lose the weight for her marriage. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Now this is an extreme example, but if we lose track
of what our spouse finds attractive about us then we run the risk of losing our
spouse to someone else. There are
definitely some things wrong with this example.
The husband should have told his wife about his problem with her
weight. Fear of hurting a loved one
should never stop us from keeping communication open in our marriage. So another lesson learned: tell your spouse
you’re unhappy or no longer satisfied with how they’ve changed, physically or
not. They’re better off knowing and
having the option to do something about it and so is your marriage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Of course there still exist issues with a spouse
that are unfair and uncontrollable, but let’s hope that the no longer attracted
spouse recognizes they’re being outrageous and works on letting the unjust
issue go. I won’t specify what is
unjust, but I’ll leave it up to you and your spouse’s discretion. What you may find to be a ridiculous desired
change in a spouse could be completely different from what I would find
ridiculous.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I think that for each spouse keeping the attraction
alive in marriage is different. We each
have our own unique <a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a>thing(s) we struggle with. It is our choice to bring issues out in the
open and work toward improving our marriage.
How do you keep your spouse interested?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-78941238057270792522015-01-05T09:46:00.005-08:002015-01-05T09:46:44.976-08:00Infertility: Physical Intimacy Issues<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Taking care of the clinical side of
things isn’t the entire solution to many infertile couples’s problems. There are often emotional issues that arise
from trying to conceive aside from the expected medical procedures. Infertile couples receiving fertility
treatments should seek emotional support as needed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Sexual intimacy is an important part
of strong marriages. It can be difficult
to enjoy the physical intimacies of marriage, when couples are solely focusing
on conceiving a child. Sex is meant for
more than just bringing life into this world; it is also meant to bond couples
and bring them closer to one. This is
why it is so important for infertile couples to continue to view physical
intimacy as a way to grow closer during this difficult time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Don’t let physical intimacy become
a source of contention as you deal with and treat infertility. You will be better able to protect your
marriage from these negative feelings as you both:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Communicate your thoughts with your
spouse. If you’re feeling distant from
your spouse, then share this with them.
Don’t allow secrets to interfere with your marriage and instead speak
your fears and concerns to your spouse. How
can things get fixed, if they both of you are not aware of the problem? Don’t allow what is bothering you to go
unsaid. Issues seem to fester when we don’t address them, so open up to your
spouse. You may fear that they don’t
want to hear it or will judge you, but try it and you will find a supportive
spouse. Your spouse is there to support
you, so be strong enough to lean on them when it gets difficult.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Keep the date night alive. Remember
to place the focus back on your marriage as you work toward expanding your
family. A baby becomes another added
stress when married couples don’t care for their relationship first. So give your future child the chance to
thrive with your marriage as the strong foundation. Continued care to this part of your marriage
will likely encourage physical intimacy. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Don’t let your issues define who
you are and remember to spend some time on yourself. Infertility isn’t the end and life goes on
for married couples experiencing this medical issue. Instead identify with your character and
qualities rather than your medical condition.
Remember that you are what attracted your spouse in the first place, so
don’t lose sight of this. Being you will
keep the attraction alive and again encourage physical intimacy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Be thankful. If your current circumstances include having
a child already, good job, food on the table, or a roof over your head, then
don’t forget to practice gratitude.
Don’t allow yourself to forget about the important people in your
life. Your spouse is important to you
right? So give them 100%. Based on the law of reciprocity they will
likely return your effort by giving the relationship 100% as well. Always find
the positives and good in your life; there is so much peace to be offered in
doing this.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Make time for the bedroom. Don’t allow yourselves to forget about the
importance of physical intimacy for your marriage. Life can get busy and might allow us to make
excuses for why we haven’t had sex for the past two weeks, but don’t believe
them. Choose a time during the week that
works for both of you and allow that time to bring you closer. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Accept that you might not conceive
after having sex, but this doesn’t mean that you can afford to avoid having sex
from now on. The purpose of sex reaches
beyond creating life. Infertility
treatments can be rough on individuals and married couples, especially when
they are not working according to plan.
You might become frustrated with sex as you continue to be unsuccessful
in getting pregnant. This is the time to
remember that sex is important to your marriage, regardless of its ability to
create life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Focus on pleasure. Sex doesn’t need to become mechanical when
your goal is to bring pleasure to your spouse and yourself. Give yourself permission to focus on your
spouse and not getting pregnant every once in a while. It may be important to follow certain
guidelines when trying to conceive, but it doesn’t need to become an “always”
rule.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Focus on your spouse. Remember how great sex used to make your
spouse and you feel. <span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Make your next move
in the bedroom one that places the focus on pleasing your spouse.</span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Turning sex into a selfless act can increase
your own satisfaction, as well as your love for them.</span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Isn’t that what this physical act of love is all
about?</span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Each spouse takes care of
fulfilling the needs of their spouse, so that in the end they both get their
needs met.</span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Focusing on making a baby is
nice and all, but redirecting your energy toward sexual intimacy for pleasing
your spouse still allows you to conceive.</span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
</span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Remember that people conceive all the time when they are focusing on
their spouse.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you and
your spouse still feel overwhelmed or need a little more help, then seek professional
help. You could try counseling to see if
it helps you resolve your physical intimacy issues.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Activity:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Think about how you currently view sex. Share this view with your spouse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Plan your next romantic evening/date night with your
spouse. Set a time and day this week or
next to make it happen.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-62595340329446245882015-01-05T09:44:00.001-08:002015-01-05T09:44:27.287-08:00Imperfections<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
No one’s perfect. We
hear this all the time, so why do we still foolishly believe that our spouses
need to be perfect themselves? How do we
get to a place of loving our imperfect spouse and marriage?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think it’s natural for us to judge others while turning a
blind eye to our own negative qualities.
In no way do our natural tendencies justify our doing this.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At times when I find myself focusing on my husband’s faults
or imperfections I like to remind myself that I’ve got imperfections. They may not be the same imperfections, but I
certainly have them. I also like to
remember why I married him in the first place.
When I think about this I realize that he’s still that same guy and that
I just let myself get carried away by something that isn’t that important. He is what is important and our marriage is
important, not some behavior that I’ve labeled a fault or flaw. Remembering this helps me nag him less and return
my focus back to myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is unfair to expect our spouse to change when we are
unwilling to change as well. We need to
focus on changing ourselves before we try to change our spouse. This isn’t to say that spouses shouldn’t
change, but that we should begin with ourselves. A good spouse will follow our lead and feel
motivated by our positive changes to make some of their own. Change takes time and I believe that a
willingness or desire and trying are enough temporarily. This is assuming of course that we are
further than we were in the past and continue to move forward, even if it isn’t
drastic. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t get hung up on your spouse’s imperfections! Don’t they have good qualities as well? Don’t their positive qualities outweigh or
outnumber their bad ones? If they have
good ones, and I must believe they have good ones, then focus on these. Remember their good qualities when you become
stuck on their one bad one. Be thankful
for their good qualities and that they are trying.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think it can be frustrating to hear only complaints or
requests for changes from our spouse. We
want to hear the good, when we feel like we are trying to do good in life and
in our marriage. It can be damaging to a
spouse or their relationship if their spouse fails to notice their efforts and
continually brings up their faults. This
is why it is important to see the good and show gratitude, as well as
communicate it to our spouse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Accept your spouse.
They may not be perfect, but neither are you. You married a packaged deal, so learn to take
the good with the bad. Don’t be so quick
to assume that you’d be happier if your spouse was the perfect package. Think about it! If you had the perfect spouse wouldn’t this
make you unhappy because you would know that you are not perfect? Perfection is a lot to measure up to, so let
us be accepting of our spouse’s imperfections.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Be happy with your spouse.
Overall how would you describe your spouse? Are they a good, decent, and likeable
person? If so and you’re feeling
unsatisfied in your choice of a spouse, then you may be in need of some self
reflection and an attitude change. Don’t
allow yourself to compare them to other people.
Comparison in marriage is never a good idea. You either end up feeling superior to other
couples or lowering your marital satisfaction, neither is a good result. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Forgive your spouse.
When your spouse does or says something that might unintentionally
offend others choose to not be offended.
How often do you say or do something to your spouse that is
misinterpreted or you regret later? I
know that for me it is often. I’d like
to believe that my husband doesn’t hold everything I’ve done wrong against me,
so I need to be willing to do the same for him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let go of grudges.
Holding grudges will never help you create more joy and happiness in
your marriage. Grudges harm marriages
and are in no way romantic, appealing, or attractive, so avoid grudges as often
as they come up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ultimately, you need to make unconditional love a priority
in your marriage. Love your imperfect
spouse! Don’t put a limit or condition
on the love you give your spouse.
Remember your marriage covenants and honor them. Practice forgiveness, if needed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Decide how you will move forward and what you would like to
change. Remember you can only control
and change yourself. So, are you going
to worry about your spouse or YOU? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Activity:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Write down what you love about your spouse or why you are
thankful for your spouse. Then share
what you’ve written down with your spouse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Write down one of your own imperfections that you would
like to change or work on. Feel free to
keep this private or share what you’ve written down with your spouse. Spend the next week becoming more aware of
this imperfection and stopping it from harming your marriage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-16546018639021401182015-01-05T09:42:00.001-08:002015-01-05T09:42:04.321-08:00Take an Interest in What Your Spouse Loves<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Do the things they love.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Take interest in your spouse’s interests or
hobbies.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Doing novel things as a couple
is a great way to keep the love alive.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">My husband loves four wheeling and his annual trips
to the Dunes. This weekend I went on a
trip to the Dunes with my husband and his brother. He wanted me to go with him and so I said I’d
go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Last year’s Dune trip was miserable, hot, and humid,
so I really wasn’t looking forward to going this year. My desire to be a supportive wife outweighed
my desire to stay comfortable, so I went.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I had to sacrifice my time in order to go with him
on this trip. I’m in school right now,
so I had to manage my time wisely the days prior to our departure day. I worked from morning to night doing school
assignments the first of the week, just so I could take off the weekend. It was stressful for me and tiring, but I got
it done. I think it was worth it to
sacrifice my weekend and usual school schedule in order to make my husband
happy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I don’t necessarily enjoy riding four wheelers
enough to camp out in the dessert, but I do it because it is what my husband
enjoys. I like to see him happy and
enjoy watching him have fun on the four wheelers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I keep in mind the law of reciprocity during these
times. The way reciprocity works is if I
do what he wants now, then he will do what I want later. This mentality helps me endure all his action
packed movies, video games, and favorite dinners. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Eventually when I want to do something that he
doesn’t like, such as watching a romantic comedy or a really girly movie, he
will hopefully watch it with me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Remember even if we may not love doing something we
can still learn to love spending the time with our spouse as they engage in
something they love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So I challenge you to find out what your spouse
enjoys doing the most, if you don’t already know and join in them next time,
assuming that you’re able to. Isn’t your
spouse worth your time? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-30166661571761446312015-01-05T09:40:00.006-08:002015-01-05T09:40:59.429-08:00Differences Can Be Good<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I think we are all
guilty of expecting our spouse to act or think like us at one time or
another. I know that I am. I often forget that my husband grew up
differently than I did. I also forget
that our life experiences that shape us are even different. Logically, there is no way that my husband
will experience the same event the same way I will. His and my separate experiences in our lives
prevent this. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I often wonder why I
make these assumptions about him and others.
Maybe, it’s a control issues, but that’s entirely different concern.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">After reading a little
from <i>Men Are from Mars, Women Are from
Venus </i>I have gathered an entirely new insight on the differences between
men and women. The book pointed out that
the best way to deal with the natural conflicts that arise in marriages, due to
the opposites of the sexes, is to respect these differences. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What a simple answer,
but difficult one to implement. At least
for myself, I find it a little difficult to remember that our differences are a
good thing. I think it’s due to my naïve
desire for my husband to be like me.
Really it makes complete sense to respect these obvious and not so
obvious differences, so that conflict becomes manageable instead of
overwhelming and confusing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So what are some common
differences among men and women that might affect marriage? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I think a BIG one is
that men on average want to fix things.
If there’s a problem men tend to pride themselves in figuring out a
solution. Women on the other hand, on
average, like to nurture and improve others.
If someone’s experiencing a problem, women tend to listen to their
problem to help them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">One situation that
explains this difference is: a wife complains to her husband that she had the
worst day at work today; the husband might tell her to quit or find a better
job. The wife doesn’t want to quit and
likes her job for the most part, so she ignores either response. She actually felt better after saying her
thoughts aloud. The husband might feel
the opposite way after his wife ignores his advice and feel a bit worse than
before. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The breakdown of this
scenario is that women on average like to talk their problems aloud to help
them feel better. The wife really only
wanted her husband to listen to her and empathize as she complained. Men like to feel needed, respected, and
trusted, so when this husband offered advice his wives rejection and ignoring
of his advice hurt his feelings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The problem being that
the husband assumed that his wife wanted a solution to her problem, when really
all she wanted was him to hear her out and support her. The solution would be that the husband just
listen to his wife complain and agree that it sounds like the worst. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The difference in men
and women speaking their problems is that men on average want advice and women
want to be listened to. The husband
assumed that his wife, a woman, wanted what he did, a man. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">An alternate situation
might involve: the husband coming home from work giving his wife a quick kiss
and going straight to the couch to watch some TV. The stay at home wife follows her husband to
the couch and asks him how his day went.
He tells her it was okay, but he knows that it was a stressful day. His short answer isn’t enough for her,
because she can sense that he’s upset.
She asks further to find out why he is upset, but he reassures her that
he’s okay. She then proceeds to tell him
that he should tell her, so that he can feel better. He remains silent. At this point she is a little upset that he
doesn’t want to talk to her, when she has been waiting for him to get home so
that she could talk to him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The breakdown of this
scenario is that men on average like to keep their struggles to themselves,
unless assistance is needed. This is the
opposite for women, who share their struggles with others and are open to their
input. On average, women feel better
after talking about it and men feel better after pondering about their problem
or forgetting it by distracting themselves with something else. For this example the husband watched TV to
forget about his stressful day at work and needed sometime alone to feel
better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The problem is that the
wife assumed that her husband would feel better if he just opened up and
started talking about it. Along with
giving him advice, when he didn’t ask for it.
Her advice made him feel incompetent and it wasn’t what he wanted. She
just wanted to have a conversation with him when he got home and for him to
tell her what was wrong. He on the other
hand preferred to keep inside and handle it on his own, since he knew how. The wife was upset with her husband for doing
something that is a natural process for men.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The difference again
comes down to women on average feeling better once they’ve spoken what bothered
them and men feeling better after they’ve cooled down through distraction or
thinking things through in their mind.
On average men keep it in and women prefer to let it out. Men also don’t
appreciate suggestions when they haven’t asked for them, because they like to
feel like they can figure it out and do it on their own.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">If we could only
remember these differences the next time we find ourselves getting upset when
our spouse does something different from what we would have done. We could save ourselves and our marriage a
world of frustration and hurt feelings.
Aside from understanding these differences we need to respect them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We need to appreciate
the innate differences between men and women; these differences complement one
another when the timing is right. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Ultimately we need to
expect these differences to come up and correct our thinking. Before we start thinking that there is
something wrong with ourselves or our spouse lets first determine if it could
be due to differences. Remember that
your spouse and you think, act, and want differently and that this is the way
it is meant to be. Try and communicate
what you want from your spouse, especially when you feel like they are not
responding in a manner that you want.
Bringing these differences to their attention from the get go can help
you achieve the results you want that much quicker. Lastly, keep in mind that your spouse’s
efforts, effective or not, are good intentions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">My suggestion to <i>Husbands</i> is the next time your wife is
sharing her problem with you ask her, “Do you want my empathetic response?” or
“Do you want my advice?” It sounds dumb,
but at least you can catch yourself before you respond to her the way you would
expect to respond and be wrong – or- meet her need to be listened to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">My suggestion to <i>Wives </i>is the next time you feel like
offering advice ask your husband, “Do you want my advice?” This way you don’t
make him feel incompetent. If you want
to nurture him, and then possibly ask him, “Do you want my empathetic
response?”, so that he has the option to just think about it on his own terms
and in his own way to meet his need to be independent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">*For more information
on this subject check out <i><a href="http://www.marsvenus.com/p/men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-venus-hardcover">Men
Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus<span style="font-style: normal;">.</span></a></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">-Activity:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">With your spouse practice saying the following question, “<span style="background: white;">Would you like me to listen right now</span> or a<span style="background: white;">re you looking for possible solutions</span>?”<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">By Tawnya<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-18883756037502140562015-01-05T09:36:00.003-08:002015-01-05T09:37:10.804-08:00Infertility: Adoption<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It is natural to desire children of
your own or to have your child naturally, but infertility sometimes times
prevents this desire from becoming reality.
Fertility treatments often reverse this otherwise reality in married couples
and they become parents. Still, some married
couples receiving fertility treatments do not experience success and remain
childless. These married couples must
decide to accept they will not be parents or they will find an alternative to
be parents.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
For many married couples that
alternative is adoption. Though,
adoption may not be an easy decision for some married couples, it often becomes
<i>the</i> choice once they realize their
desire to be parents is stronger than their desire to be pregnant or have a
child of their own. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Once married couples have gone through
the five stages of grief, which are Stage 1: Denial, Stage 2: Anger, Stage 3:
Bargaining, Stage 4: Sadness and Stage 5: Acceptance, they are ready to pursue
adoption. This isn’t to say that all married
couples will go through the stages in order or repeat any stages. It is also normal for each spouse to
experience these stages separate from one another and at different times and
degrees.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Both husband and wife should be at
the acceptance stage before they move forward with the adoption process. It is possible and likely that both spouses
will not be on the same page at the same time.
For example, the husband may need a little more time to warm up to the
idea when the wife is ready or vice versa.
If one spouse is for adoption and the other is against or has their
doubts about it, then a conflict may result in the marriage. This is why it is important that both husband
and wife have open conversations regarding adoption. It will definitely do more harm to a marriage
to pursue the adoption process if one spouse feels pressured to move forward on
this path. In these cases time, love,
and prayer are the best medicine.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Once married couples are ready to
expand their family through adoption they should prepare themselves for the
challenges of the adoption process.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Let me reassure you that YOU can
love a non-biological child as much as a biological child. A common question that people ask themselves
concerning adoption is “Will I love my adopted child as much as I would my
biological child?” It may not be easy to
imagine, but <i>yes</i> you will! Love grows from <a href="http://www.americanadoptions.com/adopt/article_view/article_id/4422?cId=155">attachment
and bonding</a>. You become attached and
bond with your children as you care for them.
You develop an attachment and bond with your baby each time you hold,
kiss, feed, change, rock, and bathe them.
If you still doubt, then ask adoptive couples how they feel about their
adopted child. You are certain to confirm
the same message.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You may experience doubts along the
way as you transition toward parenthood.
My advice to you, like with anything that you don’t feel ready for, is
practice faith and search out the answers that will extinguish these doubts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Come up with an adoption
budget. Even with adoption tax credits adopting
a child can be expensive. Deciding with your spouse how much you are willing to
spend on the adoption process is a must to avoid financial problems from
disrupting your marriage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Tell your family and friends about
your joint decision to adopt. This type
of word of mouth sometimes can create adoption leads and opportunities. Enjoy the congratulations from family and
friends as you share your good news, together.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Agree on
what type of adoption, including: Domestic adoption, International adoption,
Foster care adoption, Private adoption, and Independent adoption. Depending on your family budget you may be
more in favor of one over another, since <a href="http://www.adoptionhelp.org/qa/how-much-does-adoption-cost">costs</a> can
range from $1,000 to $50,000 for these types of adoptions. Up until recently I had always thought about
adopting an infant from a third world country, but after looking at the average
prices to adopt I am now thinking about doing a foster adoption instead. Also, consider the age of the child you both
are willing to adopt as you choose the type of adoption to pursue; the ages of
the available children may differ according to the type of adoption.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Together with your spouse choose an
agency to pursue the adoption with. It
is best to research different agencies and decide on one rather than use
multiple agencies. This can save married
couples a huge amount of stress in the long run.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Decide together with your spouse
whether or not you want a closed or open adoption. Each offers its own benefits and
drawbacks. A closed adoption allows for
privacy, but doesn’t make it easy for an adult adopted child to contact their
birth parents. An open adoption allows
the sharing of birth parent health information. It also allows birth parents
the opportunity to either visit or get pictures and letters about their child,
so that they still are in some small way involved in their child’s life; this
could be a good or bad thing depending on perspectives of what crossing the
boundaries is. Both spouses need to feel
comfortable with the type of adoption they pursue.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gaining
approval to adopt is quite the process. Married
couples should find out about any guidelines that they should follow prior to
starting the process. Both husbands and
wives need to be prepared for the lack of privacy they will experience along
the way. They should also take into
account the amount of time and effort they will spend on required paperwork,
home visits, fingerprints, and background checks.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Focus on
the family you wish to have as you continue the adoption process. It will be trying at times, but if you ask
couples who’ve already adopted you will find that they feel their adopted child
was worth it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Most importantly keep the faith
during the adoption process, trusting that someday you will hold your future
family member in your arms.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Activity:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Together with your spouse, please watch the video on
‘Choosing Adoption’ from the following webpage: <a href="http://www.today.com/parents/adoption-challenges-its-worth-it-its-not-easy-8C11534082">http://www.today.com/parents/adoption-challenges-its-worth-it-its-not-easy-8C11534082</a>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-15259602719350118802015-01-05T09:16:00.000-08:002015-01-05T09:16:30.702-08:00Marriage: Parents of Disabled Children<div class="MsoNormal">
Parenthood is an exhausting responsibility, especially for
those with children diagnosed with a disability. Finding time together as a couple can become
one of the most difficult tasks when you are the primary care giver of your
children with a disability.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If this describes you, then please do not accept
defeat. Don’t allow your sole focus to
become your child! Your marriage should
still be your number one priority when it comes to priorities. This does not mean that you will spend a
greater amount of time on your spouse than your children, but it does mean that
you will make sure your spouse feels loved daily.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course children require a larger amount of our time than
do spouses, because they are so dependent.
It is completely normal to spend more of your limited time caring for
your children than you would your marriage.
Many children with disabilities often require even more attention than
the average child and this is okay. Give
that child all the attention and care they need, but do so ensuring that you’ve
kissed, hugged, and said “I love you” to your spouse before you part ways
during the hectic day. Often times these
simple and quick reminders of love are just enough to keep a marriage strong.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also, do not forget to take time as husband and wife to go
out on weekly dates. Date night should
be another priority in your life for the sake of your marriage. If you cannot get out of the house for even a
single night during the week, then make an effort to create a date like
atmosphere at home when after the kids are put to bed. Try ordering in for just you and your spouse
for a late night dinner or pick up a dessert to share in the evening as you
enjoy a little movie night together, just the two of you. You as a couple need this time alone, away
from the children, to reconnect during the week. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your child’s disability may create some additional stresses
to your daily or weekly life, but do not forget to manage your stress. Remember to take some time for you to
recharge and prepare yourself to take on the challenges that come with being
the parent of a child with a disability.
Feel free to schedule that massage you’ve always wanted, night out with
friends, or whatever else might be relaxing for you. You might even try practicing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBh_HM7TtEA">mindfulness</a> the next
time you start feeling like your reaching your limit or overwhelmed. It doesn’t require a great deal of time or
even your absence, so try living in the present from time to time. What’s happened has happened and why worry
about what hasn’t happened yet. You only
live once, so try to be present for the moments that count. The stress relief benefits of mindfulness are
more than worth your small effort.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next time you’re feeling stressed you should also
pray. Pray for the strength to continue
and endure. Pray for the renewed desire to
serve your child. All you may need is a
little help from above, so don’t forget to ask.
God will never give you more than you can handle, so lean on him when
you’re feeling like you have nothing left to give. He will bless you for your faith, if you continually
do your part.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t forget to pray with your spouse. The benefits of praying as couple can be
amazing, if you make it a constant in your life. You should be able to depend on one another,
as husband and wife, but always remember that you can depend on divinity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ask for help when you need it. I think many of us would be amazed at how
willing our friends, family, and neighbors are to help us. People often don’t know what others need from
them, so bring your needs to their awareness and make requests as needed. Remember that you can count on your spouse to
be there when you need them, so ask if you need their help or a break.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lastly, thank your spouse when they step in and lend a
hand. Your recognition and gratitude may
be a great reminder of how important it is and encourage them to repeat the
action. They are there to help you and
you are there to help them, so remember to celebrate this blessing of marriage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Doing these things can positively affect your marriage and
family, so I encourage you to appropriately prioritize your own list. You can be a great parent and still be a
great spouse. It is all determined by
where your priorities lie. Find joy in meeting
both your spouses and child’s needs. Remember
you <i>can</i> do this!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please watch the following videos and then complete the
activity below:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIOat2NRxyU">Have An Amazing Marriage
with A Special Needs Child</a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WplMlwTHzTA">Bill and Jo Krueger: Secrets
for staying together after autism</a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Activity:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Write down one way one thing you plan to do for yourself
(to recharge mentally) this week, and then make it happen. Share what you’ve written with your spouse
and help make each other’s “me time” happen during the week.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Plan out your next date with your spouse. Decide on the activity and/or restaurant
together, and then write down the day and time you plan to go out. Make any necessary arrangements in advance,
so that it happens.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-39039660907763547212015-01-04T14:09:00.001-08:002015-01-05T09:17:16.687-08:00Marriage: Dealing with a Disability<div class="MsoNormal">
Many elderly married individuals often spend their last
years of marriage caring for their disabled spouse. For other couples this additional marital
challenge strikes at a much earlier age or stage in their marriage. Married couples dealing with a disability can
be thrown into a completely different set of stressors than the average married
couple.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The stress of dealing with the onset of a disability is difficult for anyone, but can especially come as a sort of shock for married
couples who later experience a disability in one of the spouses.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It can be difficult to learn that your spouse, who once
could bathe themselves, can no longer do so without your assistance. For many other similar situations the
dependence can be a challenge for couples, especially those who place great
value on independence. Though, this
spousal dependence can also be an opportunity for the able spouse to serve
their non-able spouse. <i>Service</i> is huge in the marital dynamic
of couples dealing with a disability.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What better time to become selfless than when your spouse
requires it the most. Do things going
forward with an attitude of love and expecting nothing in return. Many times nothing can be returned in equal
form due to the disability your spouse is dealing with, but this doesn’t need
to stop you from doing what will strengthen your marriage. Continue to do for your spouse what they
cannot for themselves and look for the blessings that might go unnoticed
otherwise.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember that your spouse did not ask for their disability
or the challenges that their disability invites into the marriage. Don’t allow resentments to build, but instead
deal with them as they appear to help avoid harming your marriage. In these times <i>prayer</i> may be the only answer and the only means to provide peace
to your heavy heart. Maybe, your spouse
has grown dependent on you, if so please keep in mind that this isn’t what
either of you want; it is just the reality of things. Pray for the strength to move past the
negativity and endure the continual challenges you will face. You alone may not feel capable of what you’re
experiencing, but with a little divine intervention there is nothing that you
can handle on your plate. After all life
isn’t fair, but who says yours life together can’t be beautiful.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is unfair to blame a spouse for not being able to meet
your needs. It is also unfair to compare
your spouse before the disability to who they are now as your spouse with a
disability. It is fair though, to give
your spouse the chance to love you how they can love you ‘now’ and in the
future. Just giving your spouse with a
disability the opportunity to show you they are still capable of loving you,
even if not to the same degree they could prior, is so beneficial to the
strength of your marriage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember to focus on the ‘now’ and what the future might
bring for you and your spouse. Concern
your thoughts with what you as a couple can do, as well as what your spouse can
do individually. Yes, it is true that
things are not what they used to be and that they may never get back to the way
they were, but don’t spend you energy or time consumed by the past. You should cherish the good old days, but
should never compare them to the present.
If you do this, then you will only set yourself up for disappointment. I suggest practicing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBh_HM7TtEA">mindfulness</a> the next
time you feel bombarded or overwhelmed by the amount of stress you are
experiencing at the moment. Live in the
present!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Married life with a disability doesn’t have to be the end of
the good old days and with the right attitude you can still enjoy the blessings
of marriage, even on the bad days. So
take the time to nurture your marriage and steal away the moments you can to be
<i>present</i> together. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also, continue to date your spouse and make things happen,
instead of just hoping the fun will all of a sudden appear. Take your spouse out on spectacular night on
the town and surprise them, along with yourself on what you could be feeling
toward one another.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please watch the following videos and then complete the
activity below:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdCPMwhvJ88">Enduring
Love</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1XA59JkzWg">Story
of Ian & Larissa</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Activity:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Write about a single blessing that has come due to the
fact that you or your spouse is dealing with a disability (include what it was
like before and after the blessing).
Then share what you’ve written with your spouse. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Think about how you can better <i>serve</i> your spouse and then write down one thing you will do in the
future to <i>serve</i> them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. Plan out you next date with your spouse. Decide together if you will do something that
one of you wants to do or both of you are interested in doing. Then decide whether or not you want to go out
to eat before or after the activity, along with where you will end up eating
at.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-59964152413242046602014-12-15T08:59:00.000-08:002015-01-05T09:17:37.661-08:00HOPE for Your Marriage<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Statistics show
that half of all marriages will end in divorce, but you and I are more than a
number. These figures do not predict the
length or satisfaction of your marriage in any way. I think it’s important to remember this when
it comes to viewing our marriage. Better
yet, ignore the statistics if they are negatively affecting your marriage. I suppose a little worrying about not
becoming one of the couples who divorce can be healthy, but we should not allow
this disappointing statistic to shadow our own marriage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
I respect
marriage and regard it highly. I do not
take my marriage lightly, nor do I view divorce lightly. I chose my husband based on our shared values
and this reassured me of our lifelong commitment to one another through the ups
and downs. I’m aware of the fact that
marriage is hard work and I fully intend on giving my marriage my all; it is my
priority above all else. I also don’t
accept divorce as a solution for my marital challenges; I believe that divorce
should be avoided, if at all possible. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Don’t get me
wrong, I understand that divorce serves a purpose. I believe that divorce should be available to
individuals in dangerous and toxic marriages.
Staying in an unhealthy marriage for the sake of the kids is never the
right reason, but this doesn’t mean that couples in unhealthy marriages can’t
work out their issues. There are married
couples who bail on their marriage too soon and it’s difficult to believe that the
majority of divorces are justified. Especially
since our government has made it so easy for couples to divorce. I feel divorce has become all too common in
our society. It’s becoming increasingly
popular for couples to call it quits and broken homes are becoming the norm for
many families. What’s even more
saddening is that many divorces are later regretted by individuals and that
these dissolved unions might have been restored. <a href="http://www.divorce.usu.edu/files/uploads/lesson3.pdf">Dr. William H.
Doherty</a> found,“… that a significant number of divorced individuals—maybe
about half—report to researchers that they wished they or their ex-spouse had
tried harder to work through their differences.” This supports the idea that HOPE applied to
marriage can keep it alive and strengthen it over time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Unhappy married
individuals don’t have to settle for an unhappy marriage, nor do they need to
resort to divorce. There is HOPE for
these struggling married couples!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
If you’re feeling
like you’re headed for the door, then seek help. Help is out there and readily available. Don’t wait until you feel ready, instead act
now. You may never feel ready, especially
if you’ve got a negative attitude or are waiting on your spouse. Take the initiative and start today! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<b>If you’ve fallen out of love:<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Falling out of
love doesn’t happen over night; it’s something that happens over time, so don’t
wait until problems show up and work on your marriage daily. Take some time to remember what made you fall
for your spouse in the beginning and do the things that might recreate the
attraction. Go out on a date weekly to
reconnect with your spouse. Laugh
together, smile at one another, hold hands, and kiss to get back to that loving
feeling. The lack of desire to do these
things is not an excuse to avoid trying these repair attempts, so act now and
think later.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<b>If you’ve lost hope:<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Believing your
marriage is a lost cause is never helpful.
<i>Remember </i>that marriage unites
two imperfect individuals, who invite the “bad” into the marriage. Marriage is
about accepting the “good” with this perceived “bad”. It is a commitment for life. If you’re still living, then begin
recommitting yourself to your spouse. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Might I remind
you that you once promised to stick it out, “… for better or for worse, for
richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.” When you’re feeling like<i> right now</i> is your future marriage is the time to rethink this low
point in your marriage as temporary.
This will help you realize that your marriage is not lost! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
One of my
favorite songs is called <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECGZz5ScfL8">Restore</a>. It is a song about restoring struggling
marriages and I believe it is the perfect message for couples everywhere, even
though it targets Christian couples. I
think we all could use a little divine intervention in our lives. This is especially true when it comes to our
marriage. Do not forget the power of
prayer when it comes to softening your spouse’s heart or gaining strength. Pray for your spouse as well as your
marriage. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Marriage is
meant to last and though you may be experiencing the “bad” at the moment,
remember that the “good” is still ahead.
When it gets bad enough that divorce seems like the only option, have a
little HOPE. Have HOPE that you and your
spouse will get through the “bad” together and continue fighting for your
marriage. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
You can have a
better marriage, but it will take change on your part as well your spouse’s. It will require a lot of teamwork and
sacrifice, but the payoff will positively affect your marriage. Have HOPE that things will get better!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
*Please watch
the following video clip and then complete the activity below with your spouse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXemcjtReW0">Fireproof clip</a> <span style="font-size: 10.0pt;">(the back story is their marriage is on the rocks; the
husband <i>shows</i> his wife there is HOPE)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Activity:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
1. Write down
how you can recommit yourself to your spouse and your marriage. Share this with your spouse.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
2. Write about
a time when things were “bad” in your marriage that turned “good”. What was the process? (timeline the events
leading up to the “bad” and “good”)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-68925386648486532452014-12-15T08:57:00.000-08:002015-01-05T09:17:50.761-08:00It’s a Date!<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Dating
shouldn’t stop once we’re married. We’ve
all heard this before I’m sure. That is
why I encourage you to make a goal to go out on weekly dates; its good advice
after all. I’ve been trying to keep date
night a priority in my own marriage and can definitely see its positive effects
in my own marriage. My husband and I
just recently found out that we’re pregnant and so we definitely are attempting
to take advantage of the free time we have as a couple right now. Once children are in the picture date night
can become more important, but also more difficult to pull off. Though, I will leave that topic for a future
blog devoted to married couples with children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Let’s first
define what will pass as a date.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">A date in this
case refers to a meeting time for married couples to have time away from
others. Time away from others can mean
that you are staying in or going out. If
the kids are in bed and it’s just you and your spouse watching a movie
downstairs I’d say that counts. Other exceptions
might include double or group dates, of course with equal partners
present. The main focus should remain
your spouse and relationship during these dates.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Here are a few
things to keep in mind when planning a
date:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Novel date
activities and dinners are important. According
to an online book called </span><a href="http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf"><i><span style="background: white;">The Date
night Opportunity</span></i></a><span style="background: white; color: #212121;">,
“… research suggests that couples who engage in novel activities that are fun, active,
or otherwise arousing—from hiking to dancing to travel to card games—enjoy
higher levels of relationship quality” (Dew & Wilcox 2012). When couples enter a routine life together a
spontaneous date and new or innovative date activity can chuck the predictability
of their relationships out of the window.
It can be easy to just go out to dinner and a movie every Friday night
with the spouse. This doesn’t
necessarily cut it for many couples, who might find this usual and repeated
date itinerary to be boring. The best
cure for this boring date night set up is to deviate from the normal or
usual. Instead go do sometime more
active or interactive together, such as going on a hike, volunteering at a
local shelter, seeing a comedy show or concert.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Over time the
butterfly feelings we get when we see or are with our spouse may decline, but
you can put the spark back in your marriage as you try new things and create
new experiences with your spouse. If
you’re feeling like the passion and romance is gone, then rekindle the romance
in your marriage this week with a fun and exciting date you both can agree on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Also remember
to take turns and choose activities or restaurants that each you and your
spouse would like to try and do. Maybe
there’s something you’ve always wanted to try; why not cross it off your list
and share that experience with your spouse on a date.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Remember date
night doesn’t have to break the bank and there are plenty of ideas out there
for those on a budget. If you’re in need
of some ideas that won’t burn a hole in your pocket, try searching </span><a href="http://familyshare.com/51-cheap-dates-for-married-couples?Itemid=#sthash.7uRbCbNa.qjtu"><span style="background: white;">cheap date ideas</span></a><span style="background: white; color: #212121;"> online or on Pinterest.
With this being said, a lack of money is no excuse to avoid being
creative when it comes to weekly date night.
Of course dates don’t necessarily need to be at night each week and in
fact going out for breakfast or an early hike can be <i>novel</i> enough for couples. If
going out for lunch and an afternoon walk is out of norm for you and your
spouse, then try it out for yourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">The consequence
of not prioritizing weekly dates is that your marriage will feel the effects and
your spouse will sense your lack of commitment.
This is why it is so important to make an effort to keep weekly dates
happening each week. Life is full of so
many distractions and you can get busy very easily if you are not making time
for quality time with your spouse. Don’t
let the busyness of life stop you from keeping date night alive after your
married!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;">If you’re looking for an even
bigger challenge, then I suggest taking quarterly getaways with your spouse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">For more
information about <i>The Date night
Opportunity</i> check out: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf"><span style="background: white;">http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf</span></a><span style="background: white; color: #212121;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">*Please watch
the following clip and then complete the activity below with your spouse:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3FTGteat6U">What to avoid doing on date nights</a></span><span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opSQCMoCi-0">Possible date night conversations</a></span><span style="background: white; color: #212121;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">-Activity:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">1. List the
best date you’ve ever been on. (Try and keep
it to the dates you’ve been on with your spouse)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">2. List a dream
date you would like to go on with your spouse.
(Please list and activity or a restaurant you’d like to try)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">3. Plan a date
for later this week to go on with your spouse.
Write it down on a piece of paper and then put it in a hat or bowl,
along with your spouses. Decide who will
pull from the hat and then pull one of the pieces of paper out and make it
happen by the end of the week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span>
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><span style="color: black;">By Tawnya</span></span></div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-47067046867093567202014-12-12T15:03:00.001-08:002015-01-05T09:18:03.577-08:00Married Life: Dating with Children<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Life is busy
enough without throwing dependent children into the mix. Weekly date night can be difficult for married
couples in general, but the task can prove even more difficult when you have
children. Though, it should be one of
your highest priorities to spend some alone time with your spouse. Now date night doesn’t have to be something
extravagant every week, but it also shouldn’t remain a last minute thing where
you end up doing dinner and a movie week after week.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Remember that weekly
date night is encouraged, though don’t punish yourselves if you miss a week
every once and a while. It’s also okay
to spend a night in every once in a while; maybe the babysitter canceled and so
once the kids are in bed you have a movie night date with your spouse. Date night doesn’t necessarily mean that
dates need to occur at night, because you control when they happen. If you choose to go on a morning hike and go
out for breakfast with your spouse, then that counts as your weekly date.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The main goal is to spend time away from the kids and
quality time together, as husband and wife. The second goal is to do novel things with one
another. This means don’t do the same
thing each week, because that can get boring; you should deviate from the
normal or usual often. So <span style="background: white; color: #212121;">go out and do sometime more active or
interactive together, such as hiking, volunteering at a local shelter, seeing a
comedy show, or attending a concert. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Novel date activities and dinners are
important. According to an online book
called </span><a href="http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf"><i><span style="background: white;">The Date
night Opportunity</span></i></a><span style="background: white; color: #212121;">,
“… research suggests that couples who engage in novel activities that are fun,
active, or otherwise arousing—from hiking to dancing to travel to card
games—enjoy higher levels of relationship quality” (Dew & Wilcox 2012). When couples enter a routine life together a
spontaneous date and new or innovative date activity can chuck the
predictability of their relationships out of the window. Seeing your spouse have fun, smile, and laugh
may just be what it takes to bring that spark back to your marriage. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Take turns eating
and doing what your spouse wants. Dates
shouldn’t be his or her sole responsibility, but should become both your
responsibility. Going out on a date
every week is a lot of responsibility, especially for one person. It can be overwhelming to feel the pressure
of making sure that your spouse is having fun, because you’re the only one in
charge of planning. Share the
responsibility of planning a weekly date with your spouse. After all you should both have a say in what
you do and experience what your spouse enjoys.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Are you still
not convinced about the importance of continuing to date your spouse after
marriage? Then listen up!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
<a href="http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf"><i>The Date night Opportunity</i></a> has
provided the answer as to why, “… the experience of becoming a parent can
undercut or diminish the quality of married life”<span style="background: white;">.
Though, </span>it is normal for couples to spend less time together
after having children, what if
these additional demands of your time as a parent didn’t have to affect your
marital satisfaction? <a href="http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf"><i>The Date night Opportunity</i></a> has found, “… that new parents who
did not reduce their couple time together after the arrival of a baby were
markedly less likely to experience a decline in marital quality”<span style="background: white;">. </span> This
is also why it is so important for married couples, especially those with
children, to make weekly date night a priority.
Avoiding doing so will likely slowly over time harm your marriage. Don’t allow <i>couple time</i> or dating after marriage and children to become a thing
of the past.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Remember that the time you spend with
your spouse will spill into your relationships with your children. Your children will be blessed as you make and
take the time to go on weekly dates. Too
many parents believe that the more time they spend on their children the better
off they will be. This isn’t so, if
parents are not making their marriage a priority. Weekly dates with your spouse is one of the
best ways to make your marriage a priority, so an even better incentive to
continue to date your spouse.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt;">
Parenthood isn’t easy and neither is
marriage, but both are manageable if couples continually bring the focus back
to their relationship. <span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Life may be full of distractions, but
it’s up to you to prioritize your spouse.
Don’t let the busyness of parenthood stop you from keeping date night
alive in your marriage!</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-top: 12.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-top: 12.0pt;">
*<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">For more information about <i>The Date night Opportunity</i> check out: </span><a href="http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf"><span style="background: white;">http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf</span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-top: 12.0pt;">
Please watch the following
video clip and then complete the activity below with your spouse:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_li2-DFjAQ">Tips for date nights in</a></span><span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Activity- <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">1. List your
current priorities in life in order of importance to least importance. Go over your list with your spouse. Then discuss and make any changes, if needed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">2. Write down
your dream date with your spouse, and then share what you wrote with your
spouse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">3. Together
plan your next date for this week. If
you need help then try </span><a href="http://familyshare.com/51-cheap-dates-for-married-couples?Itemid=#sthash.7uRbCbNa.qjtu"><span style="background: white;">cheap date ideas</span></a>.<span style="background: white; color: #212121;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
By Tawnya</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-45562771048092349922014-12-06T15:18:00.001-08:002015-01-05T09:24:09.530-08:00Team: Husband & Wife<div class="MsoNormal">
We’ve all been on a team at one point in our life or
another. Remember back to that
time. What made your team effective or
ineffective? These same principles apply
to healthy and effective marriages.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Each marriage <i>team</i>
equates to one husband and one wife.
Marriage after all is about the two of <i>us</i>, three if you included God.
I highly recommend that you include God in your marriage. Developing and maintaining a relationship
with God will help you treat your spouse the way you promised to treat them on
your wedding day. If you keep
communication open with God, then he will bless you with comfort and strength;
both are needed if you want to have a lasting marriage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aside from our relationship with God we as married women and
men have our relationship with our spouse to develop and maintain. This requires that we, as husband and wife,
make <i>our</i> decisions as a team, working
together rather than against one another.
If the decision affects more than just you, then ask yourself what will
help ‘our’ marriage, not me individually.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You’re a team, right? You both have to make individual contributions
in order for the team to win. You have
to split your shared responsibilities equally for that <i>winning</i> marriage you’ve always dreamed of. The division of relationship needs, household
chores, childcare, and workplace responsibilities need to be satisfactory to
both husband and wife.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your marriage goals should also be satisfactory to the team
and be defined together, so that you both are reaching for the same thing. There are often times that I feel like I’m
giving my all to my marriage, but don’t feel like my efforts are being
reciprocated. I’m so wrapped up in what
I think our marriage needs that I don’t even consider involving my husband in
what I’m doing. This one sided thought
process hasn’t ever done me any good. It
only reminds me that I need to ask my husband what he needs from me, so that I
can feel like I’m making a difference.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You make a difference the most when you support your spouse
during their time of need. Your spousal
support can make the biggest impact when your spouse feels like you’ve got
their back when they’re feeling like it’s them against the world. It is your responsibility as their spouse to
believe in them and help them fulfill their good desires and dreams. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You also make a difference just being you, since you as
husband and wife complement one another.
Your individual and gender differences bless your marriage. Like with
any team, its teammates are unique and have different strengths and fulfill
different responsibilities. For example,
my husband is calmer than me and he is highly educated. His strengths allow him to comfort me and
calm my nerves when I’m stressing out and be the breadwinner for our future family. I, on the other hand, am financially savvy
and naturally good with little children.
This makes it easy to stick to our budget and hopefully be a good fit as
a stay at home mother someday.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Team up with your spouse the next time you’re tempted to go at
it alone. Remember that you’re in this
thing together and that your level of commitment can either strengthen or
damage your marriage. Choose your <i>team</i> over your selfish desires each and
every time. If you include teamwork in
your marriage, then you can overcome life’s challenges together.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*Please watch the following short-video clip and then complete
the activity below with your spouse:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEQ1wD4Nyj8">Husband
and Wife Sawing a Log</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Activity:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. How do you and your spouse work as a team in resolving
conflicts?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. What sports team would you say describes your marriage?
And why?</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-60157099232337608242014-11-19T15:24:00.002-08:002015-01-05T09:18:21.515-08:00Our Love Languages <div class="MsoNormal">
Do you ever feel like the love you show your spouse goes
unnoticed? Have you ever wondered why
your spouse didn’t make such a BIG deal about what you did for them? I have experienced this feeling of confusion
and frustration a time or two.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why might I or YOU feel this way after our attempts to
shower our spouses with love fail us? I
believe it’s due to speaking one’s own love language and not the spouses love
language. If you’ve ever read Dr. Gary
Chapman’s book <i>The 5 Love Languages</i>,
then you know what I’m talking about.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For those of you, who may not understand, let me explain
what love languages are. The five love
languages consist of physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of
service, and words of affirmation. We
all feel loved when our spouse speaks our primary love language from the above
list. Though, we naturally speak our
primary love language and may assume that our love language will be well
received in the same way by our spouse.
This isn’t always the case and more times than not our spouse has a
different primary love language. These
differences in primary love languages can cause feelings of rejection and
frustration if not brought to both spouses awareness. This is why it is so important to figure out
your spouse’s and your primary love language and to communicate it to your
spouse. Simply doing these two things
will help us avoid feeling like we can’t do anything right by our spouse and
feeling loved ourselves. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember taking the quiz at the end of <i>The 5 Love Languages</i> and finding out
that I my primary love language was quality time. It made sense, since I felt closer to my
friends when we hung out often and felt distant from them when we didn’t
hangout often. I felt loved by friends
and family, who I spent the most time with.
After finishing the book I tried guessing others primary love
language(s). I guessed that my
boyfriend’s, now husband, was physical touch because he was super affectionate
and always finding ways to touch me.
Though, he claimed that his primary love language is quality time as
well. I’m still not fully convinced and
think that he is tied between quality time and physical touch. I feel pretty blessed though, because we do
share the same primary love language.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The fact that we share the same primary love language is
pretty great. After all we naturally
speak our primary love language to others we love. It’s been pretty easy for the most part to make
one another feel loved, because we both want to spend time with one another and
be together. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Other married couples may experience problems here, assuming
they speak different primary love languages.
If they are unfamiliar with speaking their spouses primary love
language, then they may run into some conflict.
They may be speaking their love language to their spouse and feeling
like it’s enough. When in reality it
isn’t and they need to meet their spouses primary love language before their
language will ever be well received.
Don’t give up if you are not accustomed to their <i>language</i> and instead be willing to learn.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like I mentioned earlier, I’m fairly sure his claimed
primary love language, quality time, is tied with physical touch. He seriously will come hug me while I’m doing
dishes or brushing my teeth and often asks me if I want a hug, so I know he’s a
hugger. I wouldn’t call myself an
affectionate person and so I have had stretch myself a little to meet his need
for touch. In the beginning of our
relationship I had to constantly remind myself to initiate hand holding, kisses,
hugs, and back scratches while we were together. Now that we’ve been married almost a year it’s
become more natural for me to do these things and they are slowly becoming like
second nature to me. This is why it is
so important to remember that we can learn love languages that are not our
primary love language. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All it takes to figure out your or your spouse’s primary love
language is taking the quiz at the end of The 5 Love Languages, observing how
you show love toward your spouse, and paying attention to what you request from
your spouse or complain to your spouse about.
If you enjoy doing things for your spouse and asking your spouse for a
little help around the house or even complaining about them not helping out
enough, then maybe your love language is Acts of service.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What makes us feel loved by others?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Physical touch</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are you a hugger? Do
you enjoy holding hands, kissing, hugging, or cuddling with your spouse? Do you like giving and getting back rubs or
like getting your back scratched? Maybe
you like giving your favorite nephew nugies or high fiving all your colleagues</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Quality time</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you have fun spending time with your spouse? Are you someone who enjoys wholesome
recreational activities with the spouse?
Do you like having romantic or quiet dinners you’re your spouse? Or do you make the time for loved ones?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Receiving gifts</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Can you hardly wait for your birthday to come? Is it because of the presents? Do you love receiving roses or chocolates on
date night? Are you excited by small or
thoughtful gifts from family and friends? Do you enjoy showering others with gifts?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Acts of service</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you tend to do your spouse’s regular chores to show your
appreciation? Do you believe that people
should show loved one’s they love them rather than just tell them? Are you someone who appreciates your spouse
taking on your usual tasks or errands?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Words of affirmation</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are you a firm believer that people should go beyond actions
and say, “I love you” to those they love?
Do you enjoy hearing or even giving compliments? Do you <i>love</i>
receiving ‘love notes’ from your spouse?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your answers to these questions reveal a lot about you and
may just help you uncovered what your primary love language is. Once you find out which one it is make sure
to pass this information on to your spouse.
With communication it is always better to hear requests rather than
complaints, so make your primary love language known to your spouse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If your spouse isn’t a big reader or willing to take the
love languages quiz, then observe and listen to them so that you can use the
process of elimination to figure them out.
Once you figure out their primary love language, let them know what it
is. They may agree or they may disagree
and of course reveal what they feel it really is.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember that your marriage is worth the effort of
discovering your spouses and your primary love language. When you speak your spouse’s primary love
language or love languages you are making them feel loved. Feeling loved increases an individual’s marital
happiness, with furthers their ability to spread the love. If you keep your spouse’s needs above your
own, then you likely have your own needs met by their increased ability to give
back.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*For more information check out <a href="http://www.5lovelanguages.com/">http://www.5lovelanguages.com/</a>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please watch the video below and then do the activity below,
with your spouse:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>The 5 Love Languages in Action</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQsBwRrbS78">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQsBwRrbS78</a>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Activity: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1<sup>st</sup>: Guess your spouse’s primary love
language. Write down your guess.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2<sup>nd</sup>: Identify your own primary love language and
then tell your spouse what it is.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3<sup>rd</sup>: Share with your spouse what you guessed was
their primary love language. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-51171193717208449232014-11-14T10:02:00.002-08:002015-01-05T09:18:34.102-08:00Do It to Please Not to Avoid Conflict<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The number one rule is: Always do something to
please your spouse; never do something to avoid your spouse’s wrath. There’s a reason behind everything that we
do. There’s a thought to every behavior
or action. We should make sure that our
priority remains trying to please our spouse and not because we want to avoid
upsetting our spouse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Some might say that it doesn’t matter why you do
something; it matters more that you did it.
I disagree and I will tell you why.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Growing up did you ever get into fights with your
siblings or friends? Suppose that you
got in a fight with your with a kid from the neighborhood. Your mom catches you and stops the
fight. She then tells you both that you
need to apologize to one another. You
are sorry for hitting him, so you force out the words, “I’m sorry.” The other kid on the other hand isn’t sorry
for starting the fight and quickly says, “I’m sorry”, so he can go home. Do you feel like he’s sorry?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I don’t feel like this kid is sorry and so to me his
insincere ‘sorry’ is useless and void; he might as well just said the truth,
“I’m not sorry.” The reason I have such
an issue with this is because the kid didn’t say it for the right reasons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">This is similar to the situation of a husband taking
out the trash because he doesn’t want to hear his wife complain about how lazy
he is; he took out the trash to avoid his wife’s criticism. Why is this an issue? He did a good thing, right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Yes, taking out the trash is a good thing, but the
reason behind his action is where the problem lies. Resentments can build up if we do ‘good
things’ to avoid negative consequences.
This is destructive to marriages and therefore should be avoided.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">How can this husband change? The husband in the future should change his
thinking and intentions. He should
think, “Hey, my wife likes it when I take out the trash. I think I will take out the trash to make her
happy.” This way his thought is to
please and not to avoid a negative situation.
You will be building up your marriage as you continue to keep this
positive attitude regarding what you do for your spouse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Now ask yourself, “Do I want to build up my marriage
or tear it down?” Your answer will
influence the way you handle your future thoughts regarding your future
actions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Watch the video below and then do the activity after:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04WRI-0odjk"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04WRI-0odjk</span></a></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">(Pay attention to his actions and words; the ending
isn’t necessarily important)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTBAhYE-_bw"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTBAhYE-_bw</span></a></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">(Vince Vaughn’s character demonstrates what NOT to
do)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">-Activity:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Reflect on why you do things for your spouse? Do you do them to ‘please’ or to ‘avoid’?<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span>
By Tawnya</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-87906334765772456172014-11-13T14:20:00.001-08:002015-01-05T09:19:23.647-08:00Our Money<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of the largest and most common arguments in
marriage is about money. The biggest of
these money disagreements among married couples is the spending of the
money. Money has even been labeled as
one of the top causes for divorce among couples. This is why it is important for couples to
have serious discussions about their finances prior to marriage and especially
at the beginning of their marriage. These
discussions should place importance on preparing for, preventing, and managing
the money conflicts that the couple can expect to arise.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Please keep in mind that it’s normal for married
individuals to want to use their money for different things than their spouse. After all a marriage consists of two separate
individuals, with different views of money, which can cause conflict. Maybe one spouse is a BIG spender and the
other is a saver. These conflicting
spending styles can cause issues in the couple’s marriage, if they do not
compromise and make necessary changes to their spending habits.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Remember that the ideal for couples is to protect
their marriage from divorce by coming to an agreement on who will pay the
bills, be the main bread winner, and how much they will send & save. Though the reality for many couples is often
the opposite where these individuals downplay their differences when it comes
to money or don’t talk about their combined finances at all. This can prove to be unwise for couples once
they marry and are forced to manage their money, together.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don’t let this conflict interfere with your
marriage! Protect yourselves and your
marriage by doing the following:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do it together.
Both spouses should be aware of where the money is going. They should come to an agreement on how much
they will spend and on what they will spend their money on. Married couples should also agree on how much
they will save and how to save their money.
It is okay to designate one spouse as the payer of the bills, but both
spouses should be in agreement on who this is.
Finances should be an open discussion among married couples. There should never exist any secret accounts
or expenses; this can only lead to hurt and anger. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Budget together.
Both husband and wife should sit down together and list all their
expenses, so that each knows where the money is going. Both should agree on the amount they are
spending on each expense. They should
agree on the amount for each expense and which expenses remain in the budget. Add a column for savings as well to your
budget.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Together spend less than you make. Regardless of who is the main bread winner or
if both spouses work, they should not spend more than they make combined. So many people today live off of credit cards,
but this is foolish. Married couples
should avoid spending more than they have, no matter what. Of course this doesn’t include a house and
maybe even a vehicle, but these should still be modest purchases. Most people take the max loan they can get
approved for and buy their dream house with it.
These people also buy their dream car with all the bells and whistles
using a high interest loan. Neither an
expensive home or vehicle is necessary; couples are better off learning from
others examples. An expensive home or
vehicle doesn’t mean much if the couple is still paying it off past a
reasonable amount of time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Save together.
If married couples put away a little money each month, then they are
headed in the right direction. Saving
for a rainy day is one of the smartest things couples can do. No one can predict the future, so it’s always
a good idea to prepare for the unknown. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Money </span><span style="line-height: 17.1200008392334px;">doesn't</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"> have to be an issue in marriages, but
it is how married couples handle their money together that will determine
whether or not money becomes an issue.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Please watch the videos below and complete the activity
below, with your spouse:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">·<span style="font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Oprah sad story</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU9vc6-pE60"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU9vc6-pE60</span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(I think this is something we all need to hear. It’s important to remain honest with our
spouse about our purchases and avoid purchases that we cannot afford)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">·<span style="font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->The newlyweds money advice</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJSMVDHbOZs"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJSMVDHbOZs</span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(I didn’t mention joint accounts or the trust that develops
as we are able to view each other’s spending, but I feel both are important)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-Activity:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. If you do not already have a budget, then please take
this time to create one. For budgeting
help, just <a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Create-a-Working-Budget">CLICK here</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. Discuss with your spouse how you, as a couple, can
protect your marriage from the potential damage of money conflicts.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-6759832715296656782014-10-28T13:40:00.001-07:002015-01-05T09:19:37.808-08:00The Married Couples List: Ways to Reduce Stress <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We experience stress daily. Stress may result from school, work,
relationships, or children, but there are ways to deal with stress as it enters
our daily lives. Managing stress doesn’t
have to be an individual thing and would be easier done with some support. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Marriage is about supporting one
another, right? What better support than
that of a spouse. If you notice you or
your spouse is stressing then try some of the activities below. Remember you want to do these things
together.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Exercise</b>. The endorphin release after a workout is the
perfect solution for your problematic stress load.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Go on a walk</b>. Getting outside and taking in some fresh air
can have a calming effect. This light
form of exercise will help you both escape from your minds momentarily as you
begin to notice nature.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Take the dog on a
walk or to the dog park</b>. Dogs are
always so glad to see you, no matter how long you’ve been away. Can you even think of a time when your dog
didn’t put a smile on your face?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Do some light yoga</b>. Try out the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC9XQWc6ukk">eagle pose</a>, which is
known to help relieve tension in the body.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Take deep breaths</b>. Close your eyes and count to three as you
inhale and exhale three times each.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Try aromatherapy</b>. Bring out the essential oils, put a little in
a carrier oil, and apply the mixed oils on each other. Remember to use caution when applying these
oils responsibly, due to their effects.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Watch a comedy</b>. Turn on the TV to watch one of your favorite
sitcoms or movies and enjoy a laugh … or two.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Watch a funny video
that’s gone viral</b>. When you don’t have time to watch a movie or a TV show
you can improvise by watching a short video clip on YouTube.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Give each other a
neck or foot rub</b>. Slowing down to
give and receive massage can be great way to relieve stress in the body.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Give each other a
bear hug</b>. Hugs from loved ones have
the effect of making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside; who doesn’t like this
feeling? A hug may even decrease stress
levels and <a href="http://greatist.com/happiness/hug-it-out">blood pressure</a>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Write about it</b>. Just getting it out there and off your chest
can do wonders for someone under a lot of stress. In some ways it can be therapeutic to write
down what is bothering you and allows you to reflect on the stressful
situation. Share with you spouse what
you wrote about.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Read your scriptures</b>. Whatever you faith, pick up your holy book
and take turns reading aloud to one another.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Have a make out
session</b>. Kissing <a href="http://www.nbcnews.com/id/29187964/ns/health-behavior/t/mwah-kissing-eases-stress-study-finds/#.VExos_nF8VA">releases
chemicals</a> that fight stress hormones in both men and women, though effects
are higher in men. Kissing is also a way
for husbands to transfer testosterone in their saliva to their wives, which
could lead to the next activity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Have sex</b>. If one spouse is in the mood and the other is
feeling up to it, then why not allow the endorphin release after sex help you
feel less stressed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Have a chewing gum
war</b>. Chewing gum helps reduce <a href="http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/119826.php">cortisol levels</a>,
which are the result of stress and can cause weight gain. Who knew you could prevent weight gain and
stress with a piece of gum?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Try mindful eating</b>. This might be a different experience for many
of you, but it will definitely pull you out of your head long enough to really
enjoy what you are eating. Notice the
details about your food before you take your first bite, including: color,
texture, smell. Next take your first
bite and notice how it feels in your mouth, then start chewing. Chew slowly as you take into account its
flavor and aroma and lastly swallow.
Continue slowly eating your food and together discuss what you’ve
notice.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Buy a house plant</b>. Being around plants may cause a relaxation
response in individuals. Maybe it’s
because plants remind us of nature and being out in nature tends to be relaxing
for many individuals. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Take a nap</b>. Sleep allows your body to combat cortisol,
the stress hormone. When you feel like
you’re tired during the middle of the day cuddle up to your spouse and get some
zzzz’s in.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe, you haven’t
done some of the above activities yet or at least not with your spouse. Doing novel things with your spouse may
increase your love and marital <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/12/health/12well.html?_r=0">satisfaction</a>. That is reason enough to try doing these
activities together in my book.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Couples Activity:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Choose one of the activities from the above list and
complete this activity with your spouse.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Tell each other about the effects or changes you noticed
after completing this activity.<br />
<br />
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-680740097823698192014-10-25T21:14:00.000-07:002015-01-05T09:19:52.160-08:00Infertility: Dealing with the Loss of a Pregnancy<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
Children are
blessings. We hear this saying all the
time, so what does infertility, a miscarriage or the loss of a child mean? Are these curses? <i>No</i>,
of course not! Miscarriages are not
meant to be punishments. I don’t believe
infertile individuals and couples are cursed; they are definitely not cursed
because they have miscarried. Today, we
now know that miscarriages occur due to biological reasons.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though,
I can understand how feelings of helplessness and hopelessness could lead
someone to believe they are cursed because they can’t carry a pregnancy to
term. I can also understand why <a href="http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/news/20031008/couples-may-change-after-miscarriage">people
are changed by a miscarriage</a>, especially those dealing with infertility.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Miscarrying
after experiencing the illusion of becoming parents is extremely difficult for
infertile couples. When fertility
treatments do their job it can seem unfair to end up losing the baby in the end.
Experiencing a miscarriage or
miscarriages can cause grief and pain, along with feelings of bitterness and
anger.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
Couples, who
miscarry, often experience the <a href="http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/000617">five
stages of grief</a>, which include: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining,
depression, acceptance. It is typical
for one spouse to experience these stages at higher levels than the other. Typically this is the wife, but not
always. It is important that couples
support one another as they journey through their shared grief. If you are the stronger spouse during this
time, then prepare yourself to catch your spouse when they fall. You are stronger collectively than
individually, so grieve together, not alone.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-indent: .5in;">
Watch for marital conflict or emotional withdrawal. A miscarriage is an experience that changes
individuals and couples. Be aware of any
changes in yourself and your spouse that might create conflict or distance you
from one another. Miscarriage often
times can lead individuals to pull away from their spouse. Don’t allow this to happen to you and if it
does take the necessary steps to stop it from affecting your marriage. To avoid feeling more distant from one
another try grieving together or supporting your spouse, who may be
experiencing these feelings to a greater degree than you? Engage in mutual sharing of feelings to help
create intimacy and help reduce intensity and reverse the negative effects of
these feelings.</div>
<div style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
Allow your body
to rest for a while after a miscarriage.
Your body needs time to heal from such an event. It’s okay to wait a while, at least until
your period returns, to start fertility treatments or decide what your next
step will be. Husbands can be supportive
by thinking of relaxing and restful activities to do with their wives as they heal. Together, you could give and receive neck or
foot rubs, do light yoga, go on a walk, or even take a nap.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
Eat a healthy
diet, especially after a miscarriage.
Miscarriage places many demands on the body that require the right
nutrition. Consult your physician as
needed concerning your diet, risk of infection, and supporting your uterus and
liver. Husbands can also be supportive
of their wives healthy lifestyle choice by eating healthier with their wives.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Seek
assistance from your fertility clinic. Husbands
can be supportive by accompany their wives to the doctor’s appointment when
finding out the reason behind the miscarriage and to receive immediate testing. If you’re worried about your miscarriage
affecting your chances of conceiving, then get a professional opinion on the
matter. Your doctor can be a great
support, who can inform and educate you on your health concerns. Remember your fertility doctor is there to
help prepare you for your next step, whatever it may be.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-indent: .5in;">
Tap into faith.
Pray when you feel weak, because there is strength in God. Together, pray for peace and to be
strengthened as a couple to handle what you are experiencing. Practice faith in His healing power, so that
you may move forward. Move forward with
your life knowing that God created you with the ability to cope, because he
knew what you would face in your lifetime.
YOU possess the ability to get through this painful experience; that is
proof of His love. He equipped you before
your miscarriage to cope with the pain and stress it would cause, knowing that
coping through this crisis would make you stronger. </div>
<div style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-indent: .5in;">
Life after a miscarriage will likely never be the
same for couples, especially those already experiencing infertility
issues. This difference in life can be a
positive one, if these couples take conscious steps to help this tragedy create
intimacy rather than conflict in their marriage. Remember that you are not cursed and that hope
exists.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Please watch the following videos and answer the questions below with your spouse:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What to expect when you’re
expecting: Rosie’s miscarriage</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6iZRNl5uE4">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6iZRNl5uE4</a></span><span style="background: white; color: #212121; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121;">Beyonces miscarriage story<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E3XEdEXpvc">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E3XEdEXpvc</a></span><span style="background: white; color: #212121; font-family: "Segoe UI","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Write about your experience
with a miscarriage. Be sure to include how you’ve adapted and adjusted so far. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Now write about what you learned
from this experience. (This may not come to mind immediately; ponder what you
gained from your crisis)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
By TawnyaHealthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-47373702102388773722014-10-22T12:04:00.002-07:002015-01-05T09:20:15.263-08:00The Challenges Couples Face When Dealing with Infertility<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Infertility, just like any other
challenge, has the ability to pull couples apart. It also has the ability to draw couples
together and strengthen marriages. The
decision to lean toward independence or dependence is up to the individuals
involved. There are common challenges
among couples dealing with infertility, but there are ways to overcome them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Having to listen to insensitive comments or unsolicited
advice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Individuals and couples dealing
with infertility are sometimes asked to personal of questions by family,
friends, or even strangers. For example,
someone might ask you if you or your spouse is the one who is infertile. They might assume you don’t know what you’re
doing or that you’re doing something wrong.
You may be told to just relax and not think about it or reassured that
it will happen when it’s meant to happen.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>To draw closer to one
another:</i> Realize that most people are well meaning in their advice or
comments. Meaning is always in the
person and not the word, right? We all
take things differently and it’s important to let these things go. Though, there words might not bring comfort
to you try and remember that they most likely said it because they care and
want to support you. When you need to or
feel like it open up to your spouse and listen to them. Don’t allow yourself or your spouse to
believe any insensitive comments or advice concerning your fertility.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Finances involved with infertility</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Treating infertility isn’t
cheap. In fact for many couples it is
the difference between saving for the future and spending their money for a
chance to become parents. Some insurance
plan cover infertility treatment, but this coverage varies among policies and
is often not enough to cover all expenses or treatments. The out of pocket expenses or not covered
treatments can lead to fights or resentments if spouses disagree on cost
effectiveness or either is pressured to go through with costly treatments.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>To draw closer to one
another:</i> Talk about what your individual goals are for “your” money. Don’t assume that your spouse wants the same
things you do and discuss these differences.
Come to an agreement on what you both are willing to spend in order to
become mother and father, along with what treatments or procedures you are
willing to endure. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. The possibility of fertility treatments failing or the
possibility of never having children</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Infertility can be treated and many
times fertility treatments are successful.
Couples get pregnant with the help of fertility treatments all the time,
but these successful cases don’t necessarily mean that you will have the same
results with treatments. Nor do
unsuccessful cases affect your chances of getting pregnant. Infertility is different for each couple and
it may even take several treatments or cycles for a couple to conceive. In other cases couples may go through several
treatments or cycles without success or stop treatments due to the physical and
psychological toll. This can lead to
feelings of hopelessness or helplessness and may even cause issues in the
bedroom.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>To draw closer to one
another:</i> Decide together when to end treatment or express when you need to
take a break to your spouse. If you feel
like you have reached your limit regarding treatments, then decide with your
spouse how you will move forward.
Specifically, determine whether you will pursue adoption or accept that
you will be childless. Also, don’t allow
infertility to create intimacy issues.
Share your true feelings with your spouse. View sex beyond procreation and understand
that its purpose goes beyond this single goal; it bonds couples and strengthens
marriages, so don’t let fertility issues stop you from expressing your love to
your spouse. Seek counseling when you
feel like you need professional help dealing with these issues.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. Feeling left out or lonely because your friends and
family already have children</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You might
feel isolated as you compare yourself to all of your family and friends who are
parents. It’s a lonely feeling not
having someone in your daily life that can relate to what you’re going
through. Reproductive issues are not
commonly brought up or put out in the open for everyone to see. It is a personal matter and in many cases it
may stay private due to an individual or couple feeling ashamed and embarrassed
or fearing of judgment. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though I
think it’s safe advice, at least here in the U.S., to get rid of any fear of
being judged by others and to avoid feeling ashamed about an issue that is not
your fault. I hope you feel safe enough
to share your struggle(s) with those closest to you and even in situations you
feel comfortable telling others. They
may not always know exactly what you’re going through, but at least they will
understand why you might skip a family function every now and then. You may find that joining an online support
group removes this isolation, so go try it out if you’ve thought about it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>To draw closer to one
another:</i> Tell your spouse when you experience feelings of loneliness or shame. Comfort and listen to your spouse when they
confide in you. Avoid comparing yourself
to others and instead focus on the future.
Live your life! If you don’t feel
up to attending a family gathering or your friend’s baby shower, because it’s
too much that day, then don’t. Explain
to family and friends, if needed, your reason behind skipping out occasionally.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5. The side effects of fertility treatment drugs, hormones,
and injectables. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Fertility medications have been
known to cause irritability, mood swings, sleeping interruptions, depression,
mania, thinking problems, and anxiety.
Though, it is sometimes difficult to identify the true cause of these
psychological reactions when dealing with infertility and fertility
treatments. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>To draw closer to one
another:</i> Practice forgiveness in your marriage, especially during
treatments. Be understanding and
considerate when you notice that your spouse might be on edge or getting
upset. Communicate when you’re feeling
like you’re no longer in control or grumpy for no reason. This sometimes helps the forgiveness process,
as well as dealing with the side effects.
Breathe deeply and practice other relaxing techniques to help conquer
these unwelcomed emotions. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6. The emotional cost to individuals and couples. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Infertility often is an individual
diagnosis, but it affects the entire couple.
One spouse may be affected by the fertility problem more than the other,
but together they bear this burden. The
hardship of not being able to bear children or not being able to carry a baby
to full term takes a toll on its survivors.
The roller coaster of emotions comes with episodes of depression and
anxiety. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>To draw closer to one
another:</i> If you’re experiencing these trying emotions, then lean on your supportive
spouse, who can acts as the temporary strength through these trying times. Get comfortable feeling vulnerable with your
spouse. They are not there to judge you;
they are there to help you through life’s challenges. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It can be
challenging to desire parenthood, but be unable to have children
naturally. Remember that there is help
out there and the options go beyond what you realize. It may take time to overcome the challenges
that come with infertility, but together you and your spouse can draw closer
together.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-89241821648618682682014-10-20T17:07:00.000-07:002015-01-05T09:20:45.897-08:00For Couples Dealing with Fertility Treatment Stress<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Dealing with infertility is
stressful enough, but adding fertility treatments to the situation only
increases a couple’s amount of stress. This is why
it is so important for couples to be aware of what to expect as a result of
receiving fertility treatments.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Fertility treatments may require
that women or men take hormones to treat hormonal infertility. Examples of hormonal imbalances that might
lead to infertility problems include <span style="background: white;">hypothyroidism
(low thyroid function), luteal phase defect (low progesterone levels), and</span>
<span style="background: white;">hyperprolactinemia (high male hormone levels). Some of the injectable hormones used to treat
infertility include Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH), Human Chorionic
Gonadotropin (hCG), and Human Menopausal Gonadotropin (hMG). Fertility treatments like these change
hormone levels to help improve the odds of couples getting pregnant.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;">While
hormone treatments may improve a couples chances of getting pregnant they also
make the receiving individuals feel crazy at times and drive the spouse crazy
other times. So it is always a good idea
to open up about the challenges you face while receiving fertility treatments.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;">Let
your spouse know how you are feeling, maybe even others that are close to you,
to create an understanding of why you might be snapping at them. It’s always easier to forgive someone if you
know that they are not necessarily in total control over their body and mind at
the time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;">Ask
your doctor about what your chosen fertility treatment means for you. Find out what you will likely experience
during treatment. Knowing what treatment
cycles are typically like will prepare you for the road ahead of you. You will no longer have to wonder why you
agitated one moment, happy the next, and then feeling anxious a couple minutes
later. Maybe you’ve heard it before but
having knowledge truly is power and helps for peace of mind, especially when
your hormones are influencing your emotions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;">Avoid
putting yourself in situations that might already push you to your limits. For example, don’t volunteer to have
Thanksgiving dinner at your house during treatment, if you know it stressed you
out last year when you weren’t receiving treatment. Concerning stressful meetings just ask to
postpone and reschedule them at a time when you are between or after treatment
cycles. This isn’t always possible, so
when you are unable to deal with these situations later remember to keep
breathing deeply to combat the stress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;">Don’t
dwell on the negative thoughts and instead seek out support during these
times. You may feel happy one moment and
sad the next while receiving fertility treatments. This is normal and to be expected. What you’re dealing with is never your only
option, so keep in mind that there are always other options out there for
you. You might not be aware of them yet,
but if this route fails remember that there is another waiting for you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;">Take
care. The stress levels will fluctuate
during treatment cycles. On the days
that stress levels are highest schedule some YOU time. Maybe go grab some frozen yogurt at your
favorite place or make an appointment for a relaxing massage after a procedure. Try to manage your stress with little breaks
away from your “to do list” for the day.
Take care of your emotional health during treatments and give yourself
the time you need to escape from your worries or enjoy something you like.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;">Seek
out ways to lower your anxiety and stress levels with a little help from
friends, your faith, counseling, online support groups, or your spouse. Lowering your stress levels will keep you
healthier and happier during this already stressful time in your life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;">Don’t
allow your fertility problems as a couple stop you from date night. You will be main supports to one another
during this difficult process, so don’t forget your relationship. Do something fun together each week to
strengthen your bond and draw closer to one another. Life isn't meant to be all stress; it is
meant to be lived. Live a little and
recharge your batteries with a dose of miniature golf and dinner or whatever
you both enjoy. After all you want to
have a child with your spouse and not on your own. Remember to avoid neglecting your
relationship; instead continue to pay attention to your marriage as you
experience this path to parenthood together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It may
become difficult to function at times during treatments, but you decide how you
will manage under all the stress.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
- Watch the video below and then answer the questions below
with your spouse:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A story with a happy ending</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p04qvNhtHcs">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p04qvNhtHcs</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are you as focused on your marriage as you are on getting
pregnant? If not, what is one thing you
could do differently or start doing to help strengthen your marriage as you try
to get pregnant?</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-67656321733072078652014-10-14T13:33:00.000-07:002015-01-05T09:20:57.710-08:00Coping with Infertility<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">People often get married so
that they can start having children. It
sounds like the perfect plan. Providing
a stable relationship for a future child helps provides a safe and healthy
environment every child deserves.
Though, things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes we can want something, but not get
it or at least not get it how or when we expected it. Infertility often falls under this common
reality for couples who want children, but cannot conceive. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #212121; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Infertility
is becoming increasingly more common among married couples. Especially, since more and more people are
putting off marriage and delaying having children. How do couples cope with an emotional roller
coaster ride like infertility?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It can be
difficult to deal with the uncertainty of getting pregnant. It is important to be realistic in your
expectations. If you expect things to
work out the first time or even the first months of trying, then you may be
setting yourself up for disappointment.
At the same time if you don’t remain hopeful then you may stop trying or
even allow it to weaken your marriage.
Yet couples continually endure this trial without letting it destroy
their life or their marriage. So what
are these couples doing right?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Most importantly don’t blame
yourself or your spouse for the fertility problem. Avoid thinking negatively of your spouse and
yourself. Accept that it isn't yours or
their fault and focus on ways to improve your chances of conceiving.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Seek support. I consider having a support system a necessity
for life in general. You never know what
life has in store for you. With life
come trials, in all shapes and sizes, and all too often we find out that we are
never prepared enough for them. These
are times when family and friends come in handy to help us get through
them. You could also seek out online
communities, which offer infertility support groups. And most importantly rely on your spouse and
seek their comfort as needed. Don’t let
this personal struggle push you further from the one person you are meant to
cling to.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Share your burden with your spouse
and maybe even someone else you can talk to.
It may feel like it’s your burden to bear alone, but this feeling would
be a lie. Avoiding telling others,
especially your spouse, about what you are experiencing is a recipe for
disaster. Rather than turn you toward
one another, keeping your real feelings and thoughts hidden from your spouse
will slowly push you further apart. So don’t
hide your struggles. I’m not saying to
go tell the whole world, but you shouldn’t feel that it needs to be kept a
secret. You should feel free to talk
about the issue with family and friends who you are comfortable discussing this
issue with. It isn’t until you open up
to others that you discover they’ve had similar experiences. With infertility issue becoming more common
you may find out that your friend had complications conceiving their little one
too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Determine how much you are willing
to spend trying to conceive or if you are willing to adopt. Also, agree on what you are willing to go
through in order to get pregnant.
Setting limits can prevent you from regretting the cost or suffering you
endured from fertility treatments.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Get rid of frustrations. Infertility comes with many disappointments
and may even make some individuals and couples angry at times. Don’t let these feelings discourage you from
moving forward in life or thinking of alternatives options for your particular
situation. You can combat these
reoccurring or constant frustrations with massage, exercise, yoga, or a
hobby. Managing frustrations will
prevent them from turning into stress, which is the last thing you need. Stress will only work against you when it
comes to fertility, so start a habit of relieving stress. Ultimately, don’t forget to take care of
yourself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Educate yourself on the issue. The more you know about infertility and the
options for those who suffer from infertility issues the better off you’ll
be. There is hope out there, as well as
help. Seek out this information, so that
you can take advantage of the current and most up to date options that
exist. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Involve God in your struggle. It is faith in God that enables individuals
and couples to face adversity with a willingness to learn from the experience. Faith can be a powerful thing when you’re
struggling. It can take us from a place
of weakness to a place of strength. It
may be difficult to continue hoping and praying for a miracle, but it is
important to remember God’s timing. We
need to trust in His timing and ask for the strength to endure the trial when
we feel abandoned. Remember that you are
never alone.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-39280997533450275682014-10-14T13:16:00.001-07:002015-01-05T09:21:27.096-08:00Handling Conflict Effectively in Your Marriage<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
With marriage comes conflict. No two persons are alike and this is a good
thing. You might otherwise find your
marriage rather boring than the growing experience it is meant to be. If you think of conflict as an opportunity,
then you will more easily enjoy its benefits.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
First, define what you want from
conflict that <i>will</i> arise, along with
what you don’t want. For me, I do not
want conflict to slowly destroy my marriage; I want conflict to help us become
aware of any problems, change our bad habits, understand one another, clarify our
goals, and ultimately grow together, as well as individually. Keeping your goals in mind during conflicts
will allow you to see more clearly and act intentionally, instead of <i>just</i> reacting. I have noticed in my own marriage that as I
remember my main goal, “to strengthen my marriage”, that I am calmer during our
disagreements.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Conflict
management also requires that the appropriate communication style be identified
for the situation. This could include:
avoiding, obliging, compromising, or collaborating. You will only want to avoid a conflict if you
don’t care about the issue. You oblige
when it is more important to give up what you want for what your spouse wants
or again you don’t care about the decision.
You compromise when you cannot come to an agreement, but instead give a
little to get a little. My favorite is
to collaborate because it is win-win, but it definitely requires some
creativity to come up with a solution that you and your spouse agree on.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Stop</i> doing the following: start a
discussion with a harsh criticism, criticize their character, deceive, compete,
get defensive, “stonewall”, display contempt, be passive aggressive, be rigid
or inflexible, allow negativity to escalate, become dramatic, and <i>especially </i>complain to others about the
problem instead of your spouse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Start</i> doing the following: care about
your spouse and you, actively listen, empathize, validate feelings (not
behavior), admit responsibility, apologize, make “repair” attempt, express
anger in moderation, forgive past wrongs, and most importantly express positive
things much more than negative things.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I cannot
say that I have ever enjoyed conflict, but I can admit that I have enjoyed some
of the benefits as I manage the conflicts.
Though, one thing I still catch myself using is “you” statements when I
know I <i>should</i> be using “I”
statements. I have messed up repeatedly,
but I still want to improve and so I continue to work on replacing my
tendencies with healthy habits. When I
realize I have started a conversation harshly I use a “repair attempt”, which
is to apologize and then rephrase the problem more sensitively. For example, instead of, or even after,
saying, “You never turn off the lights when you leave the room!” you might say,
“I’m sorry I shouldn't have said that.
Do over! I really just wanted you to turn off the light.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Managing conflict is a skill that
we must learn; it is certainly not in our genetic makeup. The promise like with anything else is that
with effort and practice it will get easier.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Like me, you will most likely mess
up and that is okay because the real goal is persistence. Persistence is what will improve your
marriage and bring the individual growth you desire. So I challenge you to manage your next
conflict more effectively.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Watch the short video clips below and then do the activity below
with your spouse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I statements </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sswGv9iH-4o">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sswGv9iH-4o</a>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Repair Attempts</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVk2g-fGqS4">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVk2g-fGqS4</a>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Requests</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9a9v-jEaPI">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9a9v-jEaPI</a>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Activity:</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Identify at least one of the items from the <i>Stop</i> list above (paragraph 4) that you
have a tendency of doing. Next identify at least one of the healthy habits from
the <i>Start</i> list above (paragraph 5)
that you would like to replace this bad habit with.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Practice rephrasing “you” statements with “I” statements
with each other. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ex. “You always leave your wrappers everywhere!” = “I would
really appreciate it if you would make sure that your wrappers end up in the
trash once you leave an area.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. Practice “repair attempts” and “requests” with one
another.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ex. “You never do anything around the house.” = “I’m sorry I
didn’t mean to say that. May I start
over? I would appreciate some help
around the house every once and a while.” Or “Will you do the dishes tonight?”<br />
<br />
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-81578324021809750322014-10-07T08:31:00.001-07:002015-01-05T09:21:38.771-08:00Practicing Forgiveness in Your Marriage<div class="MsoNormal">
Has anyone
ever hurt you? Does your spouse come
to mind when answering this question? It
happens all too often, BIG and <span style="font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">small</span>,
right? Learning how to forgive is one
way to deal with these mistakes that occur in marriage, or any relationship.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me
first define “forgiveness” so that you can better understand what it is and
what it is not.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
FORGIVENESS IS: letting go of past hurt and negative
feelings, changing our attitude concerning a wrong, and wishing the offender
well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
FORGIVENESS IS NOT: approval of the wrong, forgetting the
wrong, allowing the offender to wrong you again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Have you ever hurt your spouse? I cannot imagine that you feel good about the pain you caused your spouse. In fact I
imagine that you feel sorry for the pain your spouse felt or feels because you hurt them. YOU are human and what you
have done and what you feel now are common in marriage. We all make mistakes, even when we know
better. So, I am asking you to <i>please </i>forgive your spouse and YOURSELF.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If you have ever been in need of
forgiveness, then do not withhold forgiveness.
Instead follow the tweaked golden rule: “Forgive others as you would
have them forgive you”. Your spouse
might not “deserve” forgiveness, but forgive anyway. There is every need for you to release the
negativity and feel love again. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
You may want to argue that some
things are unforgivable, which is not the case.
<i>All</i> is forgivable and <i>nothing</i> is unforgivable, regardless of
what the world says. We should <i>never </i>withhold forgiveness and
forgiveness should be automatic, even if this is easier said than done. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Withholding forgiveness will <i>always</i> punish you more than it will ever
punish them. It will only prolong the
pain and hurt. Hating your spouse will
slowly change you into a hateful person.
This is why it is so important to decide now that you will not allow any
more negativity into your life. We can
only control ourselves, so do not give someone else that power over you. Accept what you can control and let go of
what you cannot. You cannot change the
past, but you can change the present and even the future. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Forgive for you. After all it’s not about them, it’s about
YOU. Forgiveness is meant for you! When you forgive someone for something you
can become who you want to be, move on in with your life, not let “it” define
you, and come back to <i>love</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I cannot say that I am the best
example when it comes to forgiving others, but I can honestly say that I want
to be better. I hope that you share this
same desire. The desire to improve ourselves
is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our marriage. One of the greatest gifts we can give to our
spouse is forgiveness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The journey to forgiveness is often
a difficult one, but getting to that point is worth every second you devote to
it. The growth that comes with
forgiveness is worth the sacrifice and that same growth strengthens a marriage
so that it will last. A lasting marriage
is built on a strong foundation, which includes forgiveness. We must build up that foundation by doing
what is required of us and forgiving our spouse seventy times seven times. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Know that it may not be instantaneous, but
with time and great practice you will find that you feel better and closer to
being the kind of person you have always wanted to be. As long as you have the desire to forgive and
don’t give up, your persistence will reward you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Activity:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Please watch at least two of these video clips and then
answer the questions below.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->story of forgiveness – murder</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2BITY-3Mp4">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2BITY-3Mp4</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->story of forgiveness – death</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKbp0lFaT6A">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKbp0lFaT6A</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->how to: forgive the unforgivable</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUEMc8vZcT8">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUEMc8vZcT8</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->madea on forgiveness</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxguB7uKDa0">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxguB7uKDa0</a>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Is it easy for you to forgive your spouse? If not, why is it difficult for you?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Think about what steps you need to take in order to forgive your spouse. Choose one thing that you need to forgive your spouse for. Write about it. Start working on forgiving them. In one week write about it once more. Reflect on how you feel and any improvements or why nothing has changed just yet.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Tawnya</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-2698719659784102172014-09-29T10:08:00.001-07:002015-10-28T16:27:12.872-07:00Enduring OUR Trials Well<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Most people talk about having a love like Romeo &
Juliet, but this isn't exactly who we should be idealize; after
all their union ended in double suicide.
Their marriage didn't last long due to their early deaths, nor was it
tested. Love is meant to be tested!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> It’s
unrealistic to think that marriage is going to be all roses and love
poems. Marriages, often tested as
couples experience the ups and downs of life together. Unlike other
relationships marriages are set up to last and withstand these trials. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For example, infertility is a
common trial that some married couples face.
There are countless others that could be listed. So what about marriage keeps a couple
together? One guess could be wedding
vows. The vows we make the day we are
married strengthen our commitment to one another and help us through the
challenges of life. You may be asking,
“How can a bunch of words said aloud offer support to a marriage?” I believe our promise to one another and God
greatly affects our thoughts and actions after marriage. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our wedding vows become
more than just words when we think about them in this manner. It is our wedding vows when held in such regard that dictate our actual commitment to one another. That commitment ultimately keeps us working
on our marriage and holding tight to one another instead of jumping ship at the
first, fifth, or even the 100</span><sup style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">th</sup><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> trial. Married couples make it through that 100</span><sup style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">th</sup><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
trial all the time, but maybe the world is too focused on those that don’t last
past their fifth. It is up to you to
notice and cling to the </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PD7qi8VK_o" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">GREAT
examples</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> out there. Marriage is
meant to last, so what will you do to ensure that yours becomes one of the
GREATS?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> After you
watch the video clip below answer the discussion questions with your spouse.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> GREAT Example</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PD7qi8VK_o">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PD7qi8VK_o</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">- Think about a time when you and
your spouse struggled together? Share
how it brought you closer together. If
it did not bring you closer, then talk about what you could have done to allow
it to strengthen your relationship.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">- What is one thing you can do
today to strengthen your marriage, so that it may last as long as Carl &
Ellie’s from ‘Up’? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">- Ponder how married couples can go
through life’s challenges without any damage to their own marriage & be strengthened
by these hardships that might otherwise end in divorce with other couples?</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember its not the word but what the word mean to us.</div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1057430783738610412.post-77274940184171559322014-09-26T15:25:00.000-07:002015-10-28T16:18:14.823-07:00The Path to Better Communication: Starting with Listening<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Have you ever had a conversation with your spouse where
you were completely absorbed in what you had to say, but not in what your
spouse was saying? I have to admit I’ve
been guilty of this and after remembering the conversation. I would realize that I was so focused on what
I wanted to say next that I didn’t even bother to “listen” to my husband. Maybe you can relate?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Like a typical <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TeOGJP5vGA"><i><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Bad Listener</span></i></a> you may hear your spouse speaking,
but may not be “listening” to what they are actually saying. I’m sure we all understand that this is NOT
how we should have conversations with our spouse. If bad listening is an unhealthy habit
what healthy habit should we be using within our marriage?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
One healthy habit, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP55nA8fQ9I"><i><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Active Listening</span></i></a>. Instead of merely hearing, actively seek to understand what your spouse is saying. Focus your full attention on them
and what they are saying; do not be thinking of what you will say next or why
they are wrong while they are still speaking.
You can save time and solve more problems by ensuring that your spouse
feels understood than by trying to get in as many words as possible or cutting
them off.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Which path will you take as you work toward strengthen
your marriage, the path to better communication or the path that ruins any
chance of real communication? Will you
continue to be a “Sheldon” or a “Raymond”?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*My challenge
to YOU this week is to practice <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA-RaDNVKpw"><i><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Active Listening</span></i></a><i> </i>in your
conversations with your spouse? What
have you got to lose but a bad habit; you can gain a new skill, if you put what
you’ve learned into practice. (Remember:
practice makes perfect, so don’t give up.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you’re
looking for more of a challenge, then do the activity below WITH your spouse.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Activity:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Discuss
what you now realize you can work on to improve your listening with your
spouse.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Have your
spouse identify a time when you were guilty of bad listening and a time when
you used active listening.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. Have a
“practice” conversation with your spouse where you each practice active
listening. (If you need help with this one, maybe discuss how you both feel
about hand washing dishes vs. dishwashers.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve also included the links to the three video clips
below for those of you who might have missed the hyperlinks above. Enjoy!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Example of bad listening<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TeOGJP5vGA"><span style="color: black; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TeOGJP5vGA</span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Active listening learned<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP55nA8fQ9I"><span style="color: black; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP55nA8fQ9I</span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Active listening in action<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: black; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA-RaDNVKpw">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA-RaDNVKpw</a></span></div>
Healthy Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667410619450578114noreply@blogger.com